Ok,
Still not real sure about this one. I like my idea but I dont feel like Im laying it down very well.
Let me know what you think.
TheJackal.
This 8 foot box is lifeless nothing hangs upon the walls
white and plain and endless I find no joy in them at all
Surrounded by my desk I have my back towards the door
But I know that's not the only way out
Chorus
All day I stare at white washed walls
But that's not what I feel at all
I feel her cool white wash upon my feet
I'm sitting here in shoes and socks
But I'm thinking now outside the box
12 horizons separate us still I'm on that sandy beach
12 steps and I'm at the window just a staring out at her
But I'm thinking of her sister she's the one that I prefer
Blue as blue and clear as clear she heals all that enter
But I know I can't be healed within the box
Chorus
All day I stare at white washed walls
But that's not what I feel at all
I feel her cool white wash upon my feet
I'm sitting here in shoes and socks
But I'm thinking now outside the box
12 horizons separate us still I'm on that sandy beach
Days roll by and unlike me this box remains unchanged
Yet she evolves she always will why can't she stay the same
I hate this box I always will it's a prison for my soul
But it's the hated box that brings her to me
Chorus
All day I stare at white washed walls
But that's not what I feel at all
I feel her cool white wash upon my feet
I'm sitting here in shoes and socks
But I'm thinking now outside the box
12 horizons separate us still I'm on that sandy beach
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=283413
Only dead fish go with the flow.
It sounds pretty good, I like the idea and you presented it fairly well. The water does get choppy at times in the song. Just patch some things up and it will work out.
Bstguitarist
KB1LQC
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
I like the idea and flows well at times. Maybe a twist on the movie "Office Space" but I like it.
"Don't get trapped by the tyranny of four" Rikky Rooksby
Jackal,
Nice work. Took me a couple of readings to get what you were getting at.But I'm in the middle of a marathon critque as much as I can while the house is quiet Sunday mornimg. Could flow better. I'd suggest you read it line by line to see what needs changing.
Celt
.
