Cheatin At Solitaire
Well I've read all my magazines
Ran to the grocery store
Scrubbed the house clean
Can't stand to be here no more
Opened up the windows
To let in the country air
Got nothing else to do
So I'm cheatin at solitaire.
Black Jack On the Red Queen
Keep shuffling til I find that four
I start to feelin kind of mean
Just sitting staring at the door
You've been our all night
Probably just to see if I care
I got nothing else to do
So I'm cheatin at solitaire
I got no one but myself
To blame if I lose
So if I stack the deck
I need no excuse
Got a jug of margaritas
Baby I can go all night
And when you come stumbling in
You'll have an awful fright
Better come crawlin on your knees
That's if you dare
Cause I've worked up quite a temper
Sittin here cheatin
Sittin here steamin
Cheatin at solitaire.
Kathy Reichert 1/24/06
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
I really like this song of yours, and I only have a couple of minor suggestions, that for me would tighten it up a tad.
Black Jack On the Red Queen
Keep shuffling til I find that four
Im waitin feelin kind of mean
Just sitting staring at the door
You've been our all night
Just to see if I would care
But I got nothing else to do
So I'm cheatin at solitaire
Id also would like to see the theme of the bridge to include your “errant baby†something like:
I got no but myself
To blame if I should loose
I let walk right out that door
You needed no excuse
I know that's not quite there either but I think because the bridge is the turning point in the song it would be more powerful if it included the “ratbagâ€.
Cheers
pbee
Good point pbee. I struggled with the second line in the bridge and you can tell. (You can always tell when it's forced, can't you?) I already have some changes in mind , but can't do anything about them til after work today! Thanks for the input!
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
What a great take on this week's assignment! Thank you for adding
Black Jack On the Red Queen
Keep shuffling til I find that four
to my ongoing "wish I'd written that!" list. Wonderful line.
I think that some of this will get tighter when you try singing it and I'll be very interested in hearing what kind of music you're hearing at this point.
Now I'd better get going on my assignment :wink:
Looking forward to more, Kathy.
Peace
Hi katreich,
Nice job. I agree you may want to include something about the guy in the bridge. Keeping with the card theme, "lose" kinda rhymes with "deuce." Maybe you can work that in there. Congrats.
David, after I wrote this last night, I was humming a melody all night long. This morning I realised that it was VERY similar to "one after 909". Anyway, that's the jist. I can hear the base and the piano.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
You use good, strong verbs right off the bat to put us into the story:
read / ran / scrubbed / opened
I like the suggested revision "I'm waitin feelin kind of mean" for the same reason: "waitin" is stronger than "start to feelin kind of mean".
I also agree that the bridge would be stronger if you directly referenced the antagonist.
Good job!
Hey, I like this. And the theme you picked out of cards is awesome, cheatin' at solitare is both personal and something everyone can relate to in one way or the other. I usually feel guilty about it myself, but sometimes you feel you just have to win at something by the end of the day. My hats off to you. :D
Oh and I don't think anyone pointed this out, you said
"You've been our all night "
You meant "out" right?
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
