Hi,
This might get a little long and I apologize in advance.
Just thought I would share a little of how this assignment
processed for me.
The second song I wrote for SSG was on the topic of
opposites (Year 2 Week 42)
http://forums.guitarnoise.com/viewtopic.php?p=78902&highlight=#78902
It is called The King of Diamonds & The Queen of Hearts
This weeks assignment got me thinking back to that song
and wondering if there was any more to that story
Also Bob Quoted from my all time favorite song Desperado
by The Eagles which reminded me of the Desperado
(Reprise)at the end of Doolin' Daltons.
"The queen of diamonds let you down
She was just an empty fable
The queen of hearts you say you never met
Your twisted fate has found you out and it' finally turned the tables
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret
Desperado (is there gonna be anything left, is there gonna be anything?)
You sealed your fate up a long time ago
(Ain't it hard when you're all alone in the center ring?)
Now there's no time left to borrow
(Is there gonna be anything left?)
Only stardust (maybe tomorrow)
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow"
I wish I had written that.
So you may see where this is going.
My song this week would be
The King & Queen(Reprise)
The part in red is the latest edit of the original song
The Reprise follows. DUH! :oops:
The King of Diamonds & The Queen of Hearts
He was the King of Diamonds
and she the Queen of Hearts
And for that brief time in Reno
Thought they'd never be apart
She was just a girl back then
And he not quite a man
They went down to the chapel
Preacher joined them hand and hand
She found work as a waitress
Worked both night and day
He spent time at the tables
Just another game to play
He was the King of Diamonds
and she the Queen of Hearts
And for that brief time in Reno
Thought they'd never be apart
He said "Someday I'm gonna hit it big
I'll throw away these cards.''
But the stakes kept growin' bigger
and the losin' got too hard
So he crawled into a bottle
and there he's plans to stay
He didn't even notice
That his love had gone away
He was the King of Diamonds
and she the Queen of Hearts
But he lived life as a gambler
And that broke her little heart
So she moved to California
Where She found a Christian man
They raised themselves a family
and worked a piece of land
But sometimes in the dark still night
She still dreams about her King
'Til she can't fight the teardrops
or the heartache that it brings
He was the King of Diamonds
and she the Queen of Hearts
And for that brief time in Reno
Thought they'd never be apart
Some folks search for riches
While others seek out love
and by what we here deem sacred
We'll be judged on up above
La de da de da da da
La de da de da
He was Her King of Diamonds
Well she was His Queen of Hearts
The King of Diamonds & The Queen of Hearts (Reprise)
He woke one day in Reno
And realized she was gone
Felt just like a damn cliche
In some old country song
He drifted to Las Vegas
With little pride and not much gold
Another town another game
One more chance to fold
Their brief time together
Thought they'd never be apart
He was the King of Diamonds
When she was his Queen of Hearts
Thanks for reading this far
John
HI John,
I think the reprise works. Id almost be tempted to drop the last 3 quartets of the original song and replace them with these. But instead of finishing with the chorus finish with the 2nd to last quartet of the original.
good work
pbee
I agree with pbee that this could very easily be combined into 1 song. I can here it as a duet with alternating shesaid/hesaid verses.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
The idea of a duet is very cool!
The only thing I'd add is a possible chage to this line:
With little pride and not much gold
Perhaps making it:
With little pride and even less gold
Just to give a sadder, bleaker look on things... :wink:
Nice work again, John. Looking forward to more.
Peace
I have a problem with this piece John. I really love the original song (didn't see it first time around but I love what you posted in red above).
The reprise just doesn't seem to add anything though. It basically just says "He went to Las Vegas to gamble more, The End". You are writing off a character who was just previously described as a King. I think if you're going to add anything to His story you should do it properly and give him two or three good verses to explain it in some detail - otherwise there's no point.
Also I really hate the lines "Felt just like a darn cliche / In some old country song". Sorry but I feel that being cocky and self-referential about the music detracts from the great story you have just spent 12 verses telling.
My advice would be to replace those lines and add a minimum of one more verse before the end. I realise that a reprise shouldn't be too long, but I feel that without more story it is worthless. I can imagine someone hearing this on the radio for the 3rd or 4th time and thinking "damn, I've heard the story, I wish they would just end the song now instead of playing that annoying reprise which doesn't add anything".
Sorry for the harsh words but I'd really hate to see you spoil a fantastic song.
Thanks all,
I think the idea of combining this into one song
is great and I'll have to work on it some more
to get everything in the right order.
Although I think Pbee may have got it
right the first time.
If it were done as a duet what do you all think
of the male voice telling her story and the female his?
And David in the line you quoted, how about
"far less gold"?
That was what I meant to write.
Don't know that got past me?
I'll blame it on the overtime this week
Martin,
I don't consider your words harsh. You are giving a
constructive critique and I appreciate that. Even if I
disagree (and I'm not saying I do)
I find your comments interesting thought
provoking.
If you where to say your song stinks and you suck.
That would be harsh.
What I was trying to convey was that his spirit was broken
and he was just going through the motions.
I guess I didn't do that very well in your view.
But it gives me something to think about and helps
me improve hopefully.
Thank You
John
