For this weeks assignment I chose to write about the wish for self improvement. I recently started in a new job, working with people who have major problems with drugs. At first I wanted to write a song about them and how I've learnt to see them as my peers, but then I realized that I still put myself over them and needed some more time to "convince" myself (not really sure how to describe it, hope I'm making sense) So then I started thinking about prejudice and how I wanted to be. So instead of listing up all the attributes and qualities I'd like to develop, I wrote a song about how one can strive to become an ideal person, but one will never reach it, since the ideal will change as you change. either way, I'm not quite done and I'm not entirely happy, but I thought I could post it now and hopefully get some new ideas and edit.
As for the meter, it's a bit jumbled, free flow kinda thingy. It works, rush a little here, hold a note there, so the words are posted to make some more sense, if that makes sense :?
*****
King of melancholy
I could never be as good as him
All my aspirations,
all my efforts vanish, like each day turns into night
My struggles show my battlescars,
my imperfections shine before me, lighting up my way as i crawl
I'm on my knees as i plead to higher powers in despair,
but my lack of faith whispers there's nothing there
and I turn to look around,
but there's nowhere to turn to
I turn to look around
I'm counting my blessings
I run out of fingers, it only helps to makes me feel worse
Surely, this can't be the way life was meant to be lived
the logical conclusion of my fears
CHORUS:
For now I'll remain
the self proclaimed king of melancholy
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
Lots of good stuff to write about.
First, I have to say that I am one of those people that when I hear a song it easily gets stuck in my head and its tough to shake it. Well, for the past 4 days or so it has been "When You Hear Me Sing" and thus anything I see you write... I tend to read that way. God I love that song.
Second, its really an interesting theme. That you can never be as good as you want to be in any of the different areas of you life which ironically makes you the king of sadness (Yes, I had to look up melancholy in the dictionary). You might have to try to be more specific rather than vague in the verse so that people, the ones as dumb as me that dont know what melancholy means, will get the idea. I wish I had an example or maybe an alternate but its hard to concentrate at work and I still cant get that dang song out of my head.
Third, when I hear the word melancholy I tend to think of John Cougar Melancamp <sp>. Thats not significant to the topic but I thought I would treat you to trivia.
Keep it up, give us some more verses. I'll see if I have anything more specific to lend when I get home? Do you have any sort of idea what chord progression this might be in?
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Hi manontheside!
This is a very ambitious inspiration and I think you've got a great start. My favorite line is:
I'm counting my blessings
I run out of fingers,
But I'm not certain that I've got your meaning right here. Does the narrator have so many blessings that he can't count them? That's what I get from the lyrics but I think that interpretation is at odds with the rest of the song. Nonetheless, it's a great line!
I'd be interested in knowing what style of music you might have running around in your head with this. Does the chorus go between each verse?
Looking forward to more!
Peace
I'm counting my blessings
I run out of fingers, it only helps to makes me feel worse
I'm not he, by any means, but I took that to mean that he takes his blessings for granted, and when he realizes it it only makes him feel worse since a blessing never realized is a blessing that might as well of not happened at all.
But, i'm often wrong.
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Thanks geoo, that really means a lot to me. A -lot-! You can't see it, but I'm blushing here.
I probably should find another word than melancholy if it isn't understood, I agree fully. I started out with sadness, but I thought that was a bit too obvious, so I switched to rain. Boy was I pleased. The King of Rain, rain being a great symbol for gray sorrowfilled days as well as tears of sadness. Where was I, oh, at boy, was I pleased...to find out that the counting crows used it already (in a great song, though. I can't be mad at them)
Err.. so.. well, melancholy is a word I use often, perhaps it is much used innorwegian and I transferring it, I really don't know. But if people don't know what it means, the chorus really doesn't have much impact other than making people run for their dictionaries. I'll see if I can find something else. If you have anything that can be related to this, my arms are wide open. That would be just great :)
dhodge, geoo nailed what I was trying to say with those lines. They were the last to be changed though, earlier I wrote
I'm counting my blessings
and each one to pass me will outlast me, and I'm last in the line
Then I forgot what I was trying to say... please tell me that happens to other people as well? :oops:
Chord progression over the verses is Gm - Dm7 - Cm7 - Dm7 with a whole lot of syllables at some points. I haven't decided what to play o0ver the chorus yet, I always end up starting with Gm, but I want to change that (to another key, is that the right thing to write here? my theory is a bit on and off)
As for the style, I'm not quite sure what to write. What are possible answers? :) I'm pretty sure it's in 4/4, lots of minors to reflect the sad nature of the song (given that perfection is unreachable.. I'm not taking any consideration to the fact that you should learn to love who you are)
Don't know if that answers your question, but I'll be here to answer any questions you throw my way until you are pleased :)
As for trivia, I've only heard Melancamps name, not his music. So, I know that is wrong of me and I'll visit his website ASAP :)
Now I'm off for fancy dinner, the parents have been married for 25 years (and I'm thinking "I haven't even started yet... I'll never get married *cry*)
:)
-man (single :? )
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
Well, I am going to try to come up with a more detailed reply when I get home, but in case you come back from dinner with the married for 25 years parents and think... Potatoes.. King of Potatoes... Let me just say that i wouldnt change the name. It flows and I think its perfect.
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Hi MOTS,
I like the title and the song, “melancholy†is a great word, so I vote that you don't change it.
I'd be interested in knowing what style of music you might have running around in your head with this. Does the chorus go between each verse?
Me too, that would be my only criticism really, is that I don't quite have a feel for the structure. Well done
Cheers
pbee
Manontheside,
Interesting start I think another verse or two would
help. Maybe you could tell us why the narrator has
so many low self esteem issues.
A little back ground so we can understand this
person and care more about him.
What you have is very good though.
John
Thanks pbee and John,
I'm going to write some more into it, probably another verse with some background info could help, I agree. Thats a good idea! :)
I'll write that down and see what happens over some time, I've got my hands full at the moment.
:)
-man
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
