Honest Liar
He was an honest liar,
With a soul of fire,
His words were alive,
With the pain and desire.
Ooooh, he was an honest liar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just to understand
It pains me, it kills me,
It just plain frustrates me,
It drives me, crazy,
Just to understand!
Your lips, your touch, your words, and your trust,
Your heart, your mind, and your deepest lust,
Just to understand it, what wouldn't I give,
Just to comprehend it, the feelings at risk.
Very nice reading. Â Especially the second one.
One tiny thing...the first line of your first chorus should be: "He was an honest liar"
I agree - the second one does make for good reading.
Good Stuff
Bob ;)
You are what you eat, eat well
You do an excellent job mastering rhyming and rhythm patterns. Keep up the good work!
- silly putty
The second is of course great; I know how difficult it is to write those really long lines.
Honest Liar: I like the lines, but I don't see why he is an honest liar. It could use some clarification. Maybe you could include a remark like 'He believes what he says'?
Peace,
Chris.
I disagree with you Chris, but that is just my opinion. I think Honest Liar gives you the sense of not knowing who he is. Is he a preacher or a demon possessed? Is he good or bad? I think this chorus just sucks you right in while you are screaming to know the rest of the story and who this really is. Excellent writing.
In Just To Understand, the last part of the last line did not do it for me. Unfortunately I do not have a good suggestion.
Blessings. Olav
"You do an excellent job mastering rhyming and rhythm patterns. Keep up the good work!"
Yeah! I have to agree! I'm impressed! I really liked Just to understand.
"Your lips, your touch, your words, and your trust,
Your heart, your mind, and your deepest lust," - those two long lines invites you to play with. I nearly started to sing when I read them- just to feel them!
great job. I agree with SP7, great R&R. Loved JTU, especially the first 2 lines.
Keep up the good work
Thanks for the great feed back, everyone! ;D. For Honest Liar, I was thinking the verses might explain about his a bit more, so I didn't try to explain the chrous. And the "an" just a overlooked grammar mistake, I'll fix it. ;)
"You do an excellent job mastering rhyming and rhythm patterns. Keep up the good work!"
Well, first of all, thank you. And I have to say I admire you for being able to spell both correctly and not get confused...as I easily would have....;D. LOL.
-Laura
