This river runs red and washes me away,
Nothing left to do, even less to say,
This red river flows and washes me away
"Gently", they say, "It won't hurt"
I wish I could believe them, but I can't,
Yet they insist
Gently, it flows - as drops to the earth,
Smooth and elegant as violin bows
On my wrist
I have made up my mind,
Or rather, they've made it up for me
But I agree
And now this river runs red and washes me away,
Nothing left to do, I've got nothing more to say,
Still this river flows, washing me away
"Sleep", they say, "Just go to sleep"
I pray to myself that they're right
Now I've got faith
"Sleep", they say, "No need to weep"
It's funny, I was never religious
And now it's too late
I close my eyes and wait,
Wait for this river to take me away,
I wish I'd built me a raft of God's words,
I've only got myself and them now,
But they're no help
And I need help
This river runs red and I can only hope,
That friendly shores will welcome my soul
This river runs red and I turn numb
I pray that this river won't swallow me whole
-----
Late entry and I'm a little disappointed with this one. I've could have gotten more out of this story, but this will do until I've got the time to go back and have a look at it.
Behold! The great northern viking's pinnacle of evolution! Behold my wavy blonde locks, my icy blue eyes and my muscular physique! Behold my.. screw this, I'm going to McDonald's.
This song seemed pretty deep. I really liked the ending. This river runs red and I can only hope,
That friendly shores will welcome my soul
This river runs red and I turn numb
I pray that this river won't swallow me whole I loved that. The song didn't read like a song, but I know from experience that songs are way different when they are put to a beat. I hope we'll get to listen to this one!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Great concept, I think that you have a good foundation going. Put this one away for a little while and let it brew, come back at it with fresh eyes and watch it grow. Please repost it if you make any changes. I think that I like it so far.
Hey!! Who moved my cheese???
They say that only 1 song in 100 is good!?! I think I need a lot more scratch paper!!!
Thanks for the feedback. I'm not really sure what I don't like about this one. It just seems too.. blunt and straightforward. I could have wrapped it up in a bit more subtle imagery or something.
I'm gonna try polishing it a little later this week.
Behold! The great northern viking's pinnacle of evolution! Behold my wavy blonde locks, my icy blue eyes and my muscular physique! Behold my.. screw this, I'm going to McDonald's.
I close my eyes and wait,
Wait for this river to take me away,
I wish I'd built me a raft of God's words,
I've only got myself and them now,
But they're no help
-----
i really like this bit of the song i'm not sure why i just do. i agree with the dude who said if you rework it post it. The song seems like a metal song i maybe wrong but it would work as metal.I would love to hear it recorded.
keep up the good work illicit :D
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.
--Mark Twain
Illicit,
Brave appraoch to a very hard subject.
I like the way yuo bring the "voices'' into it without really saying that's what they are.
I have made up my mind,
Or rather, they've made it up for me
But I agree
Good stuff.
Celt
hi.
don't see it metal... rather gothic or acoustic/depressive/resigned/desperate/emotional. little instruments, song carried by the voice.
anyways, I think this could even stand as it is(although after reading the beginning of the song I would've agreed on the straightforward thing).....
I really love the parts where the person and the voices are and also the last line. like the sarcasm.
curious to see what else you will come up with.
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
hi.
don't see it metal... rather gothic or acoustic/depressive/resigned/desperate/emotional. little instruments, song carried by the voice.
anyways, I think this could even stand as it is(although after reading the beginning of the song I would've agreed on the straightforward thing).....
I really love the parts where the person and the voices are and also the last line. like the sarcasm.
curious to see what else you will come up with.
bluenightangel
I think you hit the genre here, Bluenightangel.. I was thinking of a really sparse arrangement with a single guitar and cello, maybe some contrabass. But definetly held up by the vocals. I better start recording some of these when I get all my gear set up, which will (hopefully) be soon.
I was watching a video clip of the song "Anna begins" by Counting Crows on VH-1 just recently and it was kind of half-improvisation (Especially in the vocal department) but they just captured the sound I want out of this one so perfectly. Ah, I wish I had a voice like Adam Duritz.
I'm having some trouble rewriting it, though. Everything else I come up with just sounds so out of place and I'm not even one of those people who thinks that the first draft is sacred. But I don't know. I'm gonna just take a break from it and look at it at the end of the week and see if something comes up.
Again, thanks for all the feedback.
Behold! The great northern viking's pinnacle of evolution! Behold my wavy blonde locks, my icy blue eyes and my muscular physique! Behold my.. screw this, I'm going to McDonald's.
Good lyrics, kind of disturbing in a way, but thats good. I can see some one like John Vanderslice doing this one :D --the dog
