Hello everybody,
Has it been a week already? Thanks to every one for the encouraging words from last week. Here is this weeks try.
Winds of Change
I felt the kiss on my face like a summers breeze
A siren's song played all day long as it beckons me
Come sail away go with me to see a foreign land
Mountain peaks and forest deep the deserts shifting sand
Winds of Change are blowing, their blowing down on me
You know I can't resist their call I have to go and see
So my youth has been swept away by adventures gales
With starry nights and soaring heights listen to my tales
Of many lands and the people there, so vibrant and alive
Not their beauty or their charm could calm my moving drive
Never staying for to long pushed by a zephyr wind
No dust can settle on my soul before I'm gone again
Life is too big a journey with many places to explore
The tempest that is in my heart is calling to see more
Winds of Change are blowing, their blowing down on me
You know I can't resist their call I have to go and see
A word of warning I give to you so listen as I speak
This wandering life that I choose is not for the meek
Far and wide the currents carry you this is no easy life
No home or family for your own no husband or no wife
If you think you are the stuff to take this cyclone's ride
Then go out on your windy trail with no one by your side
Now people will try to keep you to hold you in one place
They can't stop the Winds of Change blowing in your face
Winds of Change still blowing, blow for all eternity
You know you can't resist the call they will not let you be
Hope you like it, something a little lighthearted and fun I think.
Hey!! Who moved my cheese???
They say that only 1 song in 100 is good!?! I think I need a lot more scratch paper!!!
Really good job, I'm usually not one for very steady rhyming pieces, but when it's this neatly written, it's hard to object.
Flow beautifully and the only thing I would object very slightly to, would be this part:
Never staying for to long pushed by a zephyr wind
No dust can settle on my soul before I'm gone again
The rhyme is kinda weak, which is a shame since everything else rhymes so perfectly. But as I said, it's really nothing major and I personally can't find anything that would be better to use.
Defineatly not something I could have written, being the melancholic party-spoiler that I am. But then again, it just makes stuff like this more fun to read.
Keep up the good work!
Behold! The great northern viking's pinnacle of evolution! Behold my wavy blonde locks, my icy blue eyes and my muscular physique! Behold my.. screw this, I'm going to McDonald's.
O.K. well, before I am willing to cirtique the work of others I will take a look at my own submission.
Evenly paced and rythmic in nature. Simple enough to be predictable in places without being overly boring. Has an element of suprise/tension that prolongs listening but could expand the story more perhaps. The use of the chorus is neither a plus or minus in that the song would not unduely suffer if they were not there.
There are a couple of week spots:[Life is too big a journey with many places to explore The tempest that is in my heart is calling to see more
] the second part of the first line is clumsey to me and could be polished. The other line is [Far and wide the currents carry you this is no easy life
] Perhaps removing the word "you" would aid this passage.
There are plenty of wind referrences tied to the imagery so from an assignment standpoint the song works well.
After rereading it a few days later I can see that I could have taken more time with the project. It is a "Twinkie" song... kind of simple and sweet but in the long run not very satisfying. Just have to try harder next time.
This forum is about practice, encouragement, and cirtique. Please do not hold back any of your opinions or suggestions. I am here to develop in the area of songwriting and need your help and perspective to accomplish this goal. Also, trust me when I say that you cannot hurt my feelings with your comments, I have "professionals" do it to me all the time at work.
Thanks
Hey!! Who moved my cheese???
They say that only 1 song in 100 is good!?! I think I need a lot more scratch paper!!!
Hi Redrider.
Overall, I think you did a nice job. You also seemed to pick out your own weakest lines - I agree with your assessment there.
You know it's interesting that illicit picked out these lines as weak:
"Never staying for to long pushed by a zephyr wind
No dust can settle on my soul before I'm gone again "
because I actually really like those - and the rhyme worked fine for me.
A few concerns:
I hate to say that I almost passed on reading it (which would have been a shame) because of the title "Winds of Change" - it just seems so cliche and what came to mind was something trite and overdone. I'm glad I did read it, though because it was actually a very nice piece.
My other concern is that it seems quite long - that's not necessarily a bad thing - you just have to be very careful with the music to make sure it doesn't start to drag.
:) Portia
Really liked this song. Maybe the song can be called "Gone With the Wind." No, I'm just BS-ing. Stupid humor. Anyway, I do agree with the difficult rhyming scheme that illicit mentioned, butNo dust can settle on my soul before I'm gone againwas my favorite line, so I would keep it the same. I'm sure it sings just fine. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
