I had a few lines for this but then it started giving me trouble and I put it down. I went to a writing session with one of my bands on Monday and ended up writing it into a duet with our female singer.
"I Wont Tell A Soul"
Her:
This is as close as we get
When you're drunk and telling me secrets
When you just need someone to vent to
Cause your girlfriend she don't understand you
And I know that its wrong
But I'm thinkin' bout taking you home
And I promise I wont tell a soul
Him:
And its a beautiful night for a drive
But that's the furthest thing from my mind
You've got one hand on the wheel
And one creeping closer to mine
And underneath the porch light
I know I should be saying goodnight
But I can't ignore that look in your eyes
Both:
And God da*n your pretty face
And why can't I look away
(When you're looking at me)
So why don't you stay?
And tommorow this can be
All just some pleasant dream
Her:
She'll never know
Wherever this goes
I promise I wont tell a soul
-marv
Andrew Delaney & The Horse You Rode In On ---> http://www.myspace.com/andrewdelaney
You can and should buy my album "Scoundrels!" in mp3 format on amazon.com or iTunes etc...
Hey Marv,
Good stuff. It's like Bryan Adam's old old song 'One Night Love Affair' only more rounded by showing both sides of the story. I don't think I've seen a song about cheating do that before.
My gripe is that it seems too short. I think there's a lot of fun to be had by drawing out the story. Right now she's ready to hop into bed with him by the end of the first verse and he's there by the chorus. The tension is gone by the chorus ( which is also well written, by the way ).
Suggestion: You've got for each vocalist a 4 line verse plus a 3 line pre-chorus then the chorus. Perhaps you could add some more 4 liners so you get something like:
Her:
4 line verse
Him:
4 line verse
Her:
4 line verse
3 lines pre-chorus
Him:
4 line verse
3 lines pre-chorus
Both:
Chorus ( a bit more hesitant )
Her:
4 line verse
3 lines pre-chorus
Him:
4 line verse
3 lines pre-chorus
Both:
Chorus ( full out )
Maybe a bridge and another chorus?
I know this is a tonne of work, but I think the song is worth it.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
The song actually runs at around exactly 3 minutes which is right at where I like pop songs to go. I think adding more words would just be that... adding more words... I think the story is all there.. or as much of it as needs to be there. We're supposed to record this soon so I'll be sharing it then.... It feels better playing it than it reads on paper.. this is pretty typical of me I guess.
-marv
Andrew Delaney & The Horse You Rode In On ---> http://www.myspace.com/andrewdelaney
You can and should buy my album "Scoundrels!" in mp3 format on amazon.com or iTunes etc...
I like it Marv. Think you're right. It says it all. And I think a lot of us can relate. Well done. Looking forward to hearing it.
Joe
Marv,
I think Im inclined to agree that the shorter version is better. Look forward to hearing it.
Paul
I think perhaps I wasn't really clear on what I meant before. And I'm not saying this to try to change your mind, especially as you're soon going in to recording. However, just to clarify for the sake of discussion...
I definitely did not mean that the song was too short and needed words added for the sake of filling space. And I do agree that there is a full story there, with enough hints at a back story to get the listener up to speed ( which is brilliant ). What I meant was that you've got a juicy story and people will want to hear how it turns out, and that you could get away with ( I guess the word is ) teasing the listener a lot more. Drawing it out, creating some tension, delving into the shy insecurities and flirting of both parties, not just their primal urges. I guess I saw the potential for an extended drama rather than a snapshot.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Marv
Good Job! I nfind that there is a certain honesty here that
you don't get much in song about cheating.
Well done
John
wow, marv.
i am really fond of this song. very good idea to make it a duet, would love to hear it:-)
nothing more to say..
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
