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Nice first attempt, in the first verse the last line is a bit confusing. But overall nice job. Yeah, the whole song could use some revisions here and there, just read through again and see if it flows smoothly. If it justmp, smooth it out. Practice makes perfect.
Good Job
bstguitarist
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Hi Val,
and welcome to the SSG. This is a wonderful song. I read it with a kind of lilting, child-like, happy, celebratory feel. This may sound weird, but it has a kind of "Dickens" aura about it. Like a 19th century English Christmas. (As if I would know anything about that, but that's how it strikes me)
The verse about the spice lady, -- wonderful.
The imagery is grand, and the rhyming and rhythm are great.
In my mind it's a song that describes Christmas as I wish it were.
Real good work, Hope you stick around... I look forward to reading more of your submissions.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Val. Welcome to SSG
This is great. Reminds me of the Norwegian children’s songs we
used to sing when we were kinds :)
The only thing that rubs me wrong is line #2 and #4 in verse 1
They are too much like line #1 and #3. And I kind of read verse1 with some kind of a pattern and it got thrown of in the other verses. However you may have intended it like that. Other than that it is great.
Looking forward to see more of your stuff.
Blessings. Olav
Thank you all for your comments. The feedback is very much appreciated.
Scratch, you are bang on. That's just the way I was singing the song as I was writing it. And the 19th C Christmas feel - well, just you visit the website for Lincoln Market.
The market isn't actually until this weekend. I went for the first time last year and, when I read the assignment, just the thought of going there again inspired me to write the song. It truly is a magical place to be.
Olav, you are right about the first verse. I did start out with a pattern and then lost it (unintentionally).
bst, I have taken your comments on board. I'll work on the song and, maybe when I've visited the market this weekend, I'll be able to capture some more of the magic.
Many thanks to you all for your encouragement.
Welcome val, I agree with Scratch here, a bit different but thats a good thing :D :D -the dog
Yes, the first verse does kind of have a different feel to the rest of the song, but then again it's a scene-setter, so to speak....
Very Xmassy/folksy feeling to this, I could imagine it being done by Steeleye Span or Fairport Convention.....
Nice job, I'll have to have a look at the website, see if the photos tally with the mental images i have in my head!
(Lincoln) Green with envy!!!
:D :D :D
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thank you, smokindog and Vic, for your comments on my first draft of Lincoln Market. I have now made some revisions.
Vic, I hope you weren't disappointed with the website.
