I am busy but I decided to join the club. This song came out pretty grim, but it's just how I feel about this place today.
edit: Title courtesy of Vic Lewis
En Route
I wake under darkened skies
It’s a struggle
It’s a fight
To rise after the night
Go to a freezing pole
An obelisk
A tower
Critical is the hour
Oh that caravan whisks me away!
Its filled with wretched souls
The sheep, the masses
I step on to join the fray
The same routine
Day in
Day out
All to get about
A grim troll
A mother
A senior
There are only two doors
Oh that caravan whisks me away!
Its filled with wretched souls
The sheep, the masses
I step on to join the fray
And time travels so slowly
And the carriage man smiles grimly
Knowing he keeps us from our destination
Oh that caravan whisks me away!
Its filled wretched souls
The sheep, the masses
I step on to join the fray
Hi DrunkRock,
welcome to the forum. I like youre song, I can certainly relate to it, I was thinking about doing a commute song myself, isnt it funny how everybody sits in the same place everyday. It took me a couple of reads to realise the freezing pole was the Bus stop as I had a commuter train in my head, I wonder if elaborating on that in terms of what it is, might be worthwhile, but keep the obelisk / tower metaphore.
I think this is an excellent song well done, what kind of music did you have in mind ?
cheers
Paul
Hi Drunkrock , { love the name }
Its' always nice to see new faces / names joining in the fun ..
The chorus is terrific well done there mate ..
Nice
Hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Welcome Drunkrock,
Took me a couple of reads to get what you were refering to.
Once I did though I understood fully.
Good Job
John
Thanks for the comments and the criticism!
I am glad to see that it took a bit of thinking for some of you to figure out what the song was about. I didn't want to spell it out for my audience; I'd hate for people to have to think less! By the same token, I'm glad you all got it; I didn't want this to be a Dylan-esque style.
pbee: Given what I have just told, would you still recommend expanding on what I mean? IF so, do you have a suggestion on what it should be?
As for what music: if I were to write it, it would be an acoustic song. Pretty dark, maybe Pink Floyd-ish? Though I could see it being a very awesome power/adventure metal song. But I have neither the gear nor the skills to creat a song of that type.
I like this, Drunkrock, it tells the story without beating around the bus(h!) but never directly... nice and subtle. I especially like the caravan metaphor - conjures up images of bodies en route to the slave market....
I just wonder, in keeping with the imagery, if "En Route" might be a slightly better title? Seems less direct than "The Route" - and might just get the reader thinking, "Hmm, en route to where, exactly?"
Anyway, welcome to the forum - excellent first effort!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Damn, now I feel like I have alot to live up to next week! Oh, the pressure!
I'll think of your suggestion Vic, and thanks.
