Hi everyone,
Sorry I missed the past few weeks. I've been moving about and am currently enjoying the snowfall in Colorado. Anyway, comments and suggestions, as always, are welcome. Thanks
http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart
THERE'S A PLACE
There's a place that I go when I'm alone and I'm missing you
and this place where I go , I go because I don't know what else to do
you've been gone so many years and I can't cry anymore tears
and after all these years apart, your memory is still in my heart
and this place where I go it's not far from where I live
and this place that I go to is a place where I can forgive
the suffering and what it cost, the pain and all the time we lost
and I can still see the clarity of you eyes every time I look to the skies
shelter is a place that we go to find comfort in the things we know
it's a place that's safe within our heart where our pain can heal and we can find a new start
and this place where I go I'm never turned away
and this place where I go to is safe and where I can stay
and know that you are still near me though your life has come to an end
and I know that being there beside you in time my broken heart will mend
and this place where I go to, I can leave but I can always return
and this place where I go to, is peaceful and where I can learn
that life has a deeper meaning than we can ever comprehend
and life continues to go forward even after it has come to an end
shelter is a place that we go to find comfort in the things we know
it's a place that's safe within our heart where our pain can heal and we can find a new start
Hey Neil
I was just starting to wonder where you've been.
Of course I was no around SSG a few weeks myself.
I read you song and like it. The word "and" seems to be
overused but I haven't listened yet. Thought I'd give first
impression then listen. It also seems a little wordy in places
The first line for example:
There's a place that I go when I'm alone and I'm missing you
It seems it would work just as well as:
There's a place I go when I'm alone and missing you
OK I'm going to listen and find out just how wrong I am.
I'm Back,
You did pull it off quite well.
The Chorus is great
shelter is a place that we go to find comfort in the things we know
it's a place that's safe within our heart where our pain can heal and we can find a new start
I still think you could eliminate or change most of the "ands" though
Example:
this place where I go I'm never turned away
this place where I go to is safe and where I can stay
to know that you are still near me though your life has come to an end
and I know that being there beside you in time my broken heart will mend
Good Job
John
Oh I forgot to mention the sentiment is beautiful.
Hey Neil
One again I love the acustic sound in your voice when you sing ..
John said :
I read you song and like it. The word "and" seems to be
overused but I haven't listened yet.
Same for me without listening to it first but the MP3 seeems to hide the repeativeness of the word {and}
Nicely done mate
Trev...
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
First off, a great song mate, the wording is spot on, with the repeating of "and this place" really enforcing this weeks topic.
I agree with Hlich, when he said
"Same for me without listening to it first but the MP3 seeems to hide the repeativeness of the word {and}"
Good job!
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
Hi Chefie,
I'm along the same line as everyone else. My first thought was that the lines were a bit long, and could be tightened up a bit. But the consensus seems to be (from those who've heard it) that is works with the music. So if it works, it works.
As Celt mentioned, the sentiment is beautiful, and overall I think, well told.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Your soundclick site says you're not a snger or guitarist. You will be hearing from my lawyers for false representation.....
Seriously, Chefie, well done - excellent song, well put together. Just a couple of minor details......
In the first verse, this line....
"and this place where I go , I go because I don't know what else to do" ........every other verse has lines 1 & 2 beginning with the same phrase, so for consistency I'd do the same with this verse - and the second "I go" is redundant, you don't need it at all....
In the chorus, "Shelter is THE place" might work better.....but these are only very minor quibbles in what, to me, is an excellent piece of work.
Nice phrasing as well, by the way!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thanks all for your suggestions and comments. They are well taken.
Neil
