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SSG7 - Week 43 - Tattooed Lady - *** MP3 ***

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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
Topic starter  

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8025157

Tattooed Lady
© 2009 Copyright Paul Brady

Those pictures on your skin
Cut the flesh and heart within
Marking you, marking time
Tell a story you've left behind

Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in

Though ink dries shallow in its sheath
the poison penetrates beneath
beneath the symbol so benign
lies the truth behind the sign

Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in

So share with me your deepest fear
And I will make it disappear
You need to know, I need to know
Let me in and let it go

Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Tattooed lady
Let me in


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@chris-c)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hey - let me in too! :)

I liked that a lot Paul. Some good key words to fire up the imagination, a somewhat dark and brooding sense of mystery, and a feeling that there's some killer music just waiting to slip behind it...

You going to give us her phone number or what?.... :wink:

Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@stikman)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
 

Nice imagery. The first verse is very strong, the second still strong, and the third kind of leaves me wanting more
verses to flesh out the story some more. There is alot here that could be fleshed out. Hm, no pun intended.

So my idea is more verses and less chorus or a shorter chorus, ie. drop a "tatooed lady" or two. Could draw out
the chorus lines to keep the chorus lengths and do verse verse chorus, verse verse chorus, verse chorus or
something. What do you think?

Well it's good stuff.

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
Topic starter  

Chris, cheers mate,
a somewhat dark and brooding sense of mystery
yes I was trying to get something like that without giving too much away.

stickman, thanks your comments I think point to one of the weakness of this song. The chorus was written and put to music before the verses were written and to be honest I had a quite a bit of trouble integrating them. The chorus is quite mellow using (Cmaj7 and Bm) whereas the versus are harder using major chords. The third verse is definitely the weak one given that the song is more about what the ugly truth is doing to her head, than what the ugly truth actually is, I would agree some more verses would be nice.

Cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Paul,

Reads nice. :D almost haiku in nature...and that's a good thing :wink:
The lyrics almost beg to be left mysterious.

Suggestion:
As I was reading, I was assuming the singer was a guy wanting to date a tattooed lady....but then I started wondering what the singer would be like....Then another idea hit me...what if the singer was the tattooed lady and she was singing to herself in front of the mirror....full length or vanity mirror...your choice :P ...now that would be deep waters :wink:

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
Topic starter  

Thanks James,
what if the singer was the tattooed lady and she was singing to herself in front of the mirror

Yes that's one of the interpretations of this song that I had in mind, well done.

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
Topic starter  

I've recorded a demo here http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8025157 if your interested

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jaythejoker)
Estimable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 152
 

Nice demo :)

I really like the lyrics, the whole "let me in"
Tatoos are only skin deep etc.... nice


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Paul,

Sounds really nice :D Good fit of words and music. The only suggestion would be to play a 1/2 chorus the first time.

I imagine you have to be happy with the way this turned out.

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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(@dylanbarrett)
Prominent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 628
 

I read, I listened, I liked... a lot

Nice balance, lyrics tell just enough to let you make your own story. Mysterious..yes..mysterious.

Rock on!
D 8)

I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!


   
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(@stikman)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
 

Nice. The mp3 really helps me to get it. Thanks.

I like the chords for the chorus and the contrast with verses.

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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