Truck driver
I-70, I-80 this is where I call home
Long days and late nights driving this load
I have been to Boston and to LA
I drove across the country it took but two days
Now it's the weekend and I get to see my kids
They're bigger every time I come home
From the north to the south
The east coast to the west
I have seen it all coming and going
I drive into the sunset
I'm getting older now the roads seem long
I do not have the youth to make the long drive
My family is gone living their lives
I hardly know my kids their husbands and wives
What did I do I just tried to provide
Now I'm loosing my mind?
From the north to the south
The east coast to the west
I have seen it all coming and going
I drive into the sunset
Change in the gears, I'm heading up hill
My last drive is hard but it'll all be over soon
I now am retired and living at home
A small rambler cottage I feel all alone
Now writing my memoirs looking back
I have prospered in life but noting I gained
I will take with me when make my last drive
Carried down the live in my funeral possession
No words no explination just music
Easy to follow, and easy to (i imagine) put a song with.
One thing I was wondering about
the line : Now I'm loosing my mind? It doesn't seem like somthing to lose your mind over to me, more something along the lines to be depressed about, not insane. (hope that helps?)
Maybe since your talking about a truck driver here, you could keep things more related with something like...
Didn't I ever see the signs?
or
Sign after Sign you'd think I am blind
Very simple examples here hehe =D
I'm sorry if you disagree, but I'm just trying to give a little input, because we all appreciate if at the least a simple comment. =D
I do like this song, and it does fit the assignment and it flows well, gj !
nice work tainted poet,
i think this is pretty much ready to go. The progression of the story is good (many other songs this week seems to be set in one moment) which is cool. The chorus too is good, nice image, sums it all up well. I just found the last verse a little difficult to read, but its only simple grammatical stuff, nothing to worry about.
On the whole, good work!
sozay
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
Danka for the insight. There are a few lines in this song that make me go a little cotton mouth, and there are a few edeges that need to be sanded into glass. This song is close to me because my Brother is a truck driver and he is sad/depressed that he cannot be there and watch his boys grow up. Its a song about/for him. Thanks for the critic's keep em comming.
No words no explination just music
Hi'a Tainted poet,
Yip have to agree you got some heavy lines for singing there, and the fact that you are not using a rhyming set will make it more difficult, ifyou decideto work on it some more,Iwould enhance the rhyming to keep the flow steady.
Go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
