w16 - can't go back

Hmm, interesting structure here. Nicely done. I think it works very well and it reminds me of a couple of Coldplay songs.

Perhaps you could boost the variety a bit by using that one-liner three times in the song instead of two? Aside from that I don't think you need to change it too much; get the music right (hint: musical interludes are your friend) and you should have a hit on your hands.

This song is simple, direct and powerful. I love it.

This line seems out of place to me though.
but i just can't take me there again

I agree with one winged angle. How about, I can't take myself there again.

Hi sytys,
this is good start, well done. I agree with 1-wing but Ill go a littler further. I reckon what would be nice is to replace that line with an outro like:

But I cant go back
<blah blah blah>
<blah blah blah> etc etc

good work
cheers
Paul

hey, thanks for the feedback, that line was my attempt at the present, worded it for the syllable count, and to break out of the rythmn, think i'll add,

but i just can't take me there again
no i don't dare go that way again

i like the three times suggestion martin, for sure an add, fits the verses together better, thanks

m

if i could go back
back to when it started
back to when we parted
that was where it started

if i could go back
i'd try to see the signs
try to keep you mine
try to keep my mind

but i just can't take me there again
no i don't dare go that way again

if i could go back
stop myself from lying
stop myself from driving
stop you from your crying

if i could go back
explain what i was thinking
explain why i was drinking
stop my ship from sinking

but i just can't take me there again
no i don't dare go that way again

if i could go back
to when i was a good man
to when i had a good plan
to the time when i was your man

if i could go back
i still wouldn't see it coming
my mind just started running
it wasn't any fun and

i know i won't take me there again
no i won't dare go that way again

m