w38 - we'll see - revised mp3

Hi,

I like what you wrote a lot. The flow of the lyrics, your word choices . . . . . my only question would be the verse that includes the gee tar, etc. For me it doesn't work with the other verses which tend to be more serious. Other than that, great job.

Hey sytys

I agree with chefie, nice writing, but the verse with the "gee tar" just doesn't work for me either.

Perhaps you could change it to fit better with the other verses? Something like;

sit with me and just be awhile
we'll sing our favorite songs
i'll strum them on the guitar
while you can sing along

Overall great job :)

Pete

hey, ya, thanks guys, good call on the verse, by gee tar i meant guitar and by bongs i meant bongos, the beatable ones as opposed to the soft bubbley ones, Pete, i liked your take on the verse, tried it out, it fits well and i just love singing the word just, but i think i'll borrow along, cheers,

sit with me and sing awhile
we'll sing our favorite songs
i'll play'em on the guitar
and you can play along

marty

i hacked out a pretty rough mp3 of the song, keep in mind i'm a bad singer and a worse guitarist, took me about 20 takes to get this, and it's flawed, but oh well you can get an idea where i'd like to take it, thanks for listening, any comments welcome.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=484048

marty

Hi Marty,

You're in grand company of those who can't sing, or play guitar and are just learning to write. Myself included. Anyway, I liked the MP3. One suggestion I have is within the verses, you might try adding another chord for both musical and vocal variety. I don't have the greated ear but for example, if you were playing a D on the first line, maybe jump to an F or G7 or G or something. Possibly someone here more experienced with chord patterns might have some better suggestions. I don't think you have all that bad a voice and I think some variety will add you your sound.

I know it's hard to do those MP3's, but I think it really helps us all to get a better idea of what you're writing, and you obviously are writting some good stuff. Thanks. I enjoyed it.

Neil

I had the same problem with "geetar" and "bongs." Also, how do I access your mp3?

thanks Neil, the strumming pattern i'm using in the verse is

D / G
and
C F G //

for the chorus, pretty simple, i'm working on developing it, the goings slow but it's sounding better, Joe, to access the mp3, just click on the link in my last post, it should open another window into my soundclick page, which should list the songs i've uploaded, the top song is we will see, click on the mp3 icon and it will give you the option to download the song, hope that works, thanks.

marty

Oh, yeah, sorry, I didn't see the other post, Marty. I like the change you made "geetar" to "guitar" and "bongs" to "along." Goes better with the rest of the song. I like the tune. I'd maybe add a bridge in there just to break it up a little. Maybe even just sing the last verse as the bridge with a slightly different progression just to break up the monotony. But it has a nice sound.

I love the next one "friends." Just that whole rambling thing where you sound like you're kinda high. It's different. I like it. In fact, I think that could even work as a rock tune, except with screaming. And maybe sound drunk instead of high. No, actually, having just read the lyrics, which I think are great, the rambling/high music is perfect. I'll listen to the rest when I get a free moment. Thanks.

Joe

i've reworked the song a bit, took your advice and cut out the geetar verse and the D, playing it A G verse and C F G chorus, and added a verse, i think it sounds better, there's a new mp3 at
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=484048 but i'm still pretty rough, thanks

in and out of circles
find that perfect whole
one to give us meaning
meaning for us all

friends are sometimes fickle
pressure found in peers
you do the things you shouldn't
helps you beat your fears

we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight

i am happy in the presence
of almost anyone
a soul to share my footsteps
help me have some fun

your my favourite person
of anyone at all
i love to watch you changing
like the colours do in fall

we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight

i watch you in the darkness
your soul it seems to glow
our spirits seem to mingle
like perfect falling snow

seven points of reference
a thousand points of light
guide us through the darkness
guide us through our life

we will see tonight
we will see tongiht
we will see tonight
we will see tonight

sometimes in this life time
just seems to spin around
every single corner
something's lost or found

i found you in the present
of everyone that day
i'll be your favourite person
i hope you choose to stay

we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight
we will see tonight

m