I started writing this Monday, since then it's taken a complete u-turn from my original idea...was going to be a bouncy, upbeat optimistic song about how I've never had a prayer go unanswered....until I started thinking about it, and realised most of my prayers were never answered at all...
It started out as a jolly little sing-along, tried a finger-picked riff for it, it ended up as a gloomy doomy minor-chord dominated piece with palm-muted electric guitar....
anyway, for better or worse, here's this week's effort....
I Never Believed
I asked but I never received,
Asked for truth, but I was deceived,
Maybe, because I never believed?
I prayed but no replies,
To my pleas and my my cries,
Until finally, all my hopes died...
I screamed at you in my pain,
Till I felt I was going insane,
You rejected me, again and again...
There's only so much a man can bear,
Now I no longer care,
'Cause I know you're not there....
I asked but I never received,,
Asked for truth, but I was deceived,
Maybe, because I never believed?
It starts off quietly, with an almost whispered vocal, and builds to an angry, anguished scream....I'll try and record a rough demo when, or rather if, I get a spare few minutes.....
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Vic,
I know what you mean about the song taking a u-turn.
I had the same thing happen with my song The Journey
where I thought it was going to a simple love song and
it turn into something completely different.
I like the way this came out I think the topic of unanswered
prayers lends itself better to gloomy than to bouncy.
One thing:
On the lineNow I longer care,
Do you mean?
Now I NO longer care.
Can't wait to hear it.
Celt
Hey Vic,
Me likes. Good progression, and nice honesty with the audience and with yourself. I have a few problems with some of the middle parts of a few of your triplets.
Specifically,
Till I felt I was going insane
and
Now I longer care
I bet you could tweak these to make them a bit more interesting. Even just rewording the sentence leading up to the rhyming word such that the rhyming work comes as more of a surprise would help.
Maybe instead of:
I screamed at you in my pain,
Till I felt I was going insane,
You rejected me, again and again...
you could try:
I screamed at you in my pain,
Silent reply drives me insane,
You rejected me, again and again...
See what I mean? It's not great, but something along those lines, I think, would make your song even stronger.
Can't wait to hear it.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Typo duly noted and corrected, yes it should read "I NO longer care"...
interesting point, Slowplay, about the middle lines.....but what actually happened was, I only had a couple of verses to start with, started working on a bluesy solo, had to tighten the rhythm a little, then had to fit the lyrics to the next verses to that rhythm....
I'll have to have another look, see if there are things I can tweak....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi'a Vic,
Nice simple heartfelt lyrics, but I think a song that has to be heard rather than read to get the full impact... let me know when you have a demo ready so I can have a listen. I have always liked the melodies you manage to put together !!!! Wish I could work that wat round.
go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
