Will She Be Waiting--Week 50

Hi Joe,

Definitely some pining going on in there. There are only a couple of things Id like to say. Firstly, and its just a matter of style I guess but Id like to see some closure to the song, maybe that last chorus could tell us something, I just feel that the song is too open ended.
Secondly, verses 2 & 4 for me are at odds with the chorus, in the sense that in V2 & V4 your wondering why you don't want to go home, but the chorus clearly tells us that you do know why you don't want to go home,
Maybe:
Your wondering why….
And
And you wonder why ….
Other than that, I think youve captured the situation quite well, good stuff :D .

Cheers
pbee

Hi Joe

This is lovely piece of writting I enjoyed it very much , but the down side of course (isn't there always a down side in life ? ) I agree with PBee and one little bit that just does not ( only for me ) seem to fit is the following .

"Will it be worth "

the word worth just doesn't flow like the others I think it sounds better with out that line .

but of course this is only my opinion and seems as though I can't write songs you could probably just ignore me . But that's my 5 cents worth Joe

nice Joe real nice

hilch

Hm, I don't know, Pbee. It was sort of a thought process. Work day's over. I should be glad and eager to get the hell out of there, but I'm not. Not necessarily because I know she won't be home. The truth is I don't know for sure. I'm actually hoping she'll be there, but a part of me is afraid she won't, so I keep putting off going home. Kind of a self destructive thing, in a way.

If this were my novel my editor would probably make me clarify that. This being a song, where I don't have several hundred pages to get my point across, I was kind of hoping I wouldn't need to clarify--but apparently I do.

I liked your idea, except I have a feeling if I changed it to “You wonder” I'd have people confused that in the verse I say “You” and in the chorus I say “She.” I'd thought, even before your suggestion, of changing “She” to “You” but for some reason it doesn't sound as good to me--though that could be just because I'm used to “She.” So, opinions on that are welcome.

As for the ending? Well, I hadn't really seen an ending, since the song was basically about the actual pining and uncertainty, but I changed the last chorus to give some sort of closure--maybe not the kind you'd want-- she might still not be there, but at least I'm not still sitting in front of that da*n window.

See if the changes above work for you. Thanks.

Joe

Excellent.

Good song joejoe. I enjoyed the verses progress throughout the song.