Y3week36 the stage of every empty page

As pretty much always, I dig it.

I don't think I really "got" it, but who am I to talk, my stuff is always blunt. You always have so many good lines that I wish I had written :)
I’d like gluing myself to your ribcage anyway

..for example. I just like the.. uhm.. intensity of it, if that's the right word. Or the honest vunerability or whatever. I always kind of read your stuff like some sort of goth beatnik in my head with very freeflowing measures and it always takes me some time to actually notice that it has a set shape.

Anyway, I'm rambling. "Nice job" was my point.

Hey Blue,

Something a little different from you... good stuff. I can see why you may not like it as much, as it is a bit of a departure from the your usual, but I like it.

Like Illicit, I can always dig it without even 'getting' what each line means exactly. I don't know how you do it, but I can feel the song before I ever understand it.

My main concern is that you're title and bridge (for lack of a better word), talk about an empty page, but the character seems caught up in an ongoing play, which indicates that the pages have prewritten content, even though she forgot her lines. Unless you were going for a description of the tension between free will and fate, in which case its a good metaphor, but it would distract from the main point (as I see it anyway) of someone ackwardly falling in love.

A lot of great lines (as has already been mentioned), though I wasn't as fond of the 'repeating' lines like:
Everyone can see us
Everyone can see us

and
Yes, I know I will never be true to the scale
You'll never manage to be true to the scale

But I'd have to hear them set to music before I complain too loudly.

My favourite part:
Vulnerable as I stumble into your mouth, tripping, stumble into your,
Tripping over your lips
And everyone can see it
Everyone can see it…
[Where is the exit?]

I really liked this; the stop-starting thing really works well here, and the exit part was brilliant. I might consider dropping the word vulnerable, though, or else describe it rather than stating it. Or maybe replacing it with breaking or some other such verb.

Overall... beauty.

hey.

thank you illicit, you are too kind a person :oops:

slowplay, I'm relieved you're not asking me to explain every word of every line and are quite alright with feeling the song.
as for the title etc. you got it right, the main point is indeed someone falling in love and feeling awkward, like being pushed on a stage where everyone can see them and it's emberassing. the empty page was meant to stand for the future, that yet has to happen(has to be written), they are stranded on it for they are unsure how to act and the lines the character forgot were those typical "i love you etc." lines you get in novels/movies/whatever, all the things she's supposed to do/say...

the repeating lines... well, the 'everyone can see us' part was something I'd written earlier, it just flowed into this song and I never thought of changing it, but maybe I should just cut out one line....?
Yes, I know I will never be true to the scale
You'll never manage to be true to the scale- this I don't want to change for it just is about how people never fullfill your expectations/wishes. neither of them is the perfect lover they have dreamed of.

as to your suggestion about 'vulnerable'- I'll think about it though it should just keep up the pattern of the lines.

thank you both, slowplay you've been very helpful.
cheers,
bluenightangel

Bluenightangel,

Sorry but you really lost me on this one I don't
get it at all.

But like Illicit said "who am I to talk"and there some
great lines.

The one I like best:
I forgot my lines again
The ones memorized from books and films alike

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful

Celt

Hi bluenight,
Something a little different from you... good stuff.

I agree there. But what I think makes it different from your other work is the repeating lines, which for me give the song a structure that I like.

Im not keen on the open end of this line
Vulnerable as I stumble into your mouth, tripping, stumble into your,

Cos I feel it dilutes the structural nature of this song

Overall I think this is very good :D .

pb

hello..

sorry that I lost you, celt.... I don't know how I could explain it further to help you....... thanks for replying anyway;)

pbee, that open end line was originally
"vulnerable as I stumble into your mouth, tripping over your lips"
is that any better?
thanks for encouraging me about the repeating lines...:)

thanks folks
cheers,
bluenightangel

pbee, that open end line was originally
"vulnerable as I stumble into your mouth, tripping over your lips"
is that any better?

I hate to disagree with pbee (and I rarely do), but I really liked the open ended line. I think it captured in its form the tripping and falling you were talking about lyrically.

So far only two people have commented on that part, and we have two opposite opinions. Maybe play it for people and see what they like. My feeling is that it would sound great when sung.

Good luck.

Hey,

I love the title and there are some really good lines in here.
The stage of every empty page (is the schedule of the future)

I never got the make up and I never got a pay check
Unaware I had been cast, up until I heard them laugh

Everyone can see us
Everyone can see us
And I hate being that visible

Well, now it's clear to see
Everyone, everyone can see
We're stranded on the stage of every empty page
Vulnerable as the curtain's drawing away

Yes, I know I will never be true to the scale
You'll never manage to be true to the scale
I'd like gluing myself to your ribcage anyway
But it'd make us all the more visible

This is all nice. You sort of lose me a little after that, but that's not necessarily a bad thing so long as you know what you mean. Sometimes I like stuff that's a little out there, as long as it's got good music to go with it. And like I said, if you know what you mean, then eventually if I get the meaning it makes the strangeness of it more of a draw.

But, like I said, some very nice lines in there, and super title.

Joe