hi. it's more like a poem/nursery rhyme thing to me.. anyways:
Taking off seven days to murder a ghost
The poet in the sleeping bag lies awake for seven days
At nights he pours word strings into a pot of ink
On lost and found news' paper they are then born again
But like water doesn't help with an appalling face
They crumble in the poet's head, that labels them worthless
Seven days repeat the play and no critic yet fell for it
So on the eighth the poet sells his name and sleeping bag,
Returns to the office hours, shakes off his dreams and doubts-
That juvenile nonsense he hopes he has outgrown now
Shall someone else lie awake for seven days.
what do you think?
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hey Blue,
I'm still processing your last submission 'erase, erase'. I've been over it several times and I think I'm getting a handle on it. But for now...
This is solid and fairly straighforward for you, good stuff. I love the implied understated sadness of it. I think it is very relatable.
One minor quibble, and maybe I'm missing your meaning here, but should the line be "he pours word strings out of a pot of ink"?
I also liked the imagery of face washing, though I might have picked another word besides appalling.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Hey Blue,
I think this is good.
I love these lines
At nights he pours word strings into a pot of ink
On lost and found news' paper they are then born again
what a wonderful abstraction, well done
cheers
Paul
Hey SP,
One minor quibble, and maybe I'm missing your meaning here, but should the line be "he pours word strings out of a pot of ink"?
Yeah I initially thought the same but then on the rethink I reason that all those words are at first poured into the ink pot waiting for the poet to release them and give them life, so in that context into the pot makes sense.
Paul
Sounds kind of Jim Morrisonesque to me.
Good Job
John
hey all.
slowplay, which other word would you have picked?
["still processing your last submission"? :lol: ]
yes, paul, you're right about the "into"-thing..
thanks for the comparison, John:) i like the doors.
happy you all like it.
thank you for replying.
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
