Y7W39 Final Reservation

.....this is one hell of an assignment for you isn't it? :twisted: :lol: :twisted:
Yeh, I'm struggling with this one . . . whose dumb idea was this anyway? :?

Yeh, I'm struggling with this one . . . whose dumb idea was this anyway? :?
:mrgreen:

Good to see you back at the writing desk Ken. The added story seems to be moving it in the right direction , and I think you could possibly still squeeze in a few more shocking details of your wicked sinning ways... :o

Chers,

Chris

Hi KR,

"Gnashing" is good (please put it back) there has always been weeping and gnashing of teeth in hell.

As for the chorus, it's the last line that doesnt gel for me, I liked the victims in the earlier versions maybe something like:
This, the realm of Satan's reign,
Where darkness casts its gloom,
Gnashing of teeth, wails of grief
and victims eternally doomed

cheers
Paul

Yeh, I'm struggling with this one . . .

You're SUPPOSED to struggle - if it was easy, everybody'd be doing it! I like your persistence, though, in trying to get it right.

For me, the one thing that's not working is the chorus - it's too impersonal, almost off-hand. It should be about the narrator summing up his fate, whereas it's almost reading like a description by a third party. Keep the "gnashing of teeth" line - just make that chorus more narrative than descriptive.

:D :D :D

Vic

You're SUPPOSED to struggle - if it was easy, everybody'd be doing it! I like your persistence, though, in trying to get it right.

OK . . . well, then . . . . it's working . . . and I AM part Terrier . . . . Grrrrr
Good to see you back at the writing desk Ken. The added story seems to be moving it in the right direction , and I think you could possibly still squeeze in a few more shocking details of your wicked sinning ways... :o

Mary Sue sure was pretty
More than I could resist
That fling cost my marriage
And wasn't worth all this

And that struggle for the gun
Wasn't meant to take his life
How was I supposed to know
That Mary Sue was his wife?
:mrgreen:

OK, happy? I just committed murder. :twisted: :shock: :oops: :cry:
"Gnashing" is good (please put it back) there has always been weeping and gnashing of teeth in hell.

As for the chorus, it's the last line that doesnt gel for me, I liked the victims in the earlier versions maybe something like:
This, the realm of Satan's reign,
Where darkness casts its gloom,
Gnashing of teeth, wails of grief
and victims eternally doomed

Thanks. I agree. Changes made.

My meeting with the devil . . . take four . . . and action:

Final Reservation

‘Welcome to Hell', laughs Satan
Flaunting an evil grin
‘Welcome to my kingdom
And all the pain within'

Can't say I'm glad to be here
You said we'd meet again
I've known you for a long time
But I wouldn't call you friend

I have your reservation
Arranged years in advance
Paid for with your wicked ways
Commencing upon your death

This, the realm of Satan's reign,
Where darkness casts its gloom,
Wails of grief, gnashing of teeth
And suffering eternal doom

Yes, I walked a twisted road
And you were by my side
Always pushing hate and lying,
Cheating, envy and pride

To serve you was my pleasure
I almost lost you once
That preacher almost saved you
Thank God for Mary Sue

Mary Sue was dam pretty
More than I could resist
That fling cost my marriage
It wasn't worth all this

And in our struggle for the gun
That cost a man his life
How was I supposed to know
That Mary Sue was his wife?

Here you'll find no mercy
And no retreat from fate
‘Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter'
Engraved above its gate

This, the realm of Satan's reign,
Where darkness casts its gloom,
Wails of grief, gnashing of teeth
And suffering eternal doom

Ken,

Well, I almost lost my religion with this post as I spent about 25 mins giving you a very thorough analysis only to loose it all when I went to submit..... :cry: ...so here is the abbreviated version while the bits remain.

Basically, it looks like your trying to get a story started but leaving what was “not story” still in….I'd say to finish the song…finish the story…..Save the cheerleader…Save the world :wink:

One idea to develop the story would be the singer is on his way to meet his mistress for an anniversary dinner at a new mysterious off the beaten path restaurant or bed and breakfast etc…they will arrive separate ….he gets there first and checks on his reservation with the matradee….as the conversation unfolds, he realizes that she won't be showing up, he died in a car accident/sabotage from jilted husband or “scorned wife- hell hath no fury like….”….and he is in HELL…and this is his final reservation
…boy I could almost cry at losing my line by line examples….so I'll leave it at that and just remember keep was adds to the story, cut what doesn't....and remember to keep to your title in the chorus or change the title to fit the chorus..

….looking forward to TAKE 5 :twisted:

James

PS Now I feel exactly like the devil in this fine story:

There's a story you may have heard about the devil challenging Jesus to a contest of skill. He challenged him over and over and over again, and finally, Jesus agrees. He says, “We'll let God decide what the contest should be.”

So Jesus and the devil ask God to choose, and suddenly two computers appear before them. God says, “The one who can type the most words in 24 hours will be the winner.”

The devil springs forward, sits at the computer, and starts typing furiously. Jesus calmly sits, and begins typing as well. They went on like that for 11 hours, typing with miraculous speed, neither one really taking an upper hand.

All of a sudden, the power goes out. Both computers shut down, and the devil screams with fury and anguish. The power comes back on a couple seconds later, and both computers restart. The devil's tirade continued, however, stomping his feet, screaming obsceneties, etc. Jesus, however, waits for the computer to boot back up, and then begins typing once again.

God walks up at that point. “How is it going, boys?”

The devil looks at Jesus. “The power just went out and we lost everything! How come he's so calm?”

God looks at Jesus, then back at the devil. He shrugs his shoulders and says, “Jesus saves.”

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