Y8W6 - It Was Nineteen Something - w MP3

Hi Neil,

I almost went the same route about the downplaying of the importance of time, so I was already in the frame of mind for your lyrics.

I like the feel of it and the chord progression. :D

Suggestions:

IT WAS NINETEEN SOMETHING

It was nineteen something, I think it was June
can't quite remember, but I remember the moon [a bit cliche.....maybe....but I danced with you]...might be cliche also
shining overhead [the books we read/the song in my head], the words that you said
you said you loved me

it was nineteen something else, maybe it was may
I don't recall, but I can see you, like it was yesterday
smiling, having fun, telling everyone
that you loved me

Why does it [Doesn't] matter what time it is....more stronger as a statement than question
it's what we said, what we did
one place
one time
what matters
is that you're mine
and you loved me

it was nineteen who cares, whenever it was.....This could use a bit more detail to show the progression or longevity of the relationship
we were together, and we were in love
lost in time, no reason or rhyme
you said you loved me

nineteen turns to twenty, and now you're gone.....maybe a change in the chord to minor or in the delivery, the singer doesn't seem to mind the singee is gone and is fine with having just the memories
but the memories remain, remember the song
that we sang in the rain, and you proclaimed
that you loved me.....[how about .....that I loved you....and ......]
you loved me

James

I like this song. The chord progression really suits the longing you're trying to express. Very melancholic. You could even repeat "you loved me" at the end some more times, if you really want to make your audience cry :wink:

A few suggestions I do have to give (as always, do with it what you like):

I think you should put a pause after each second line. You've got a nice melody for the third line, but with the speed you're singing it you're not giving the listeners time to hear it.
can't quite remember, but I remember the moon
shining overhead, the words that you said
I agree with James this is cliche, but I like it all the same.
Maybe something more personal would be better, i.e. if you changed "shining overhead" to "shining in your face", however I can't find a rhyme to go with that.
"Shining on your hair, the words that you shared" also springs to mind as an alternative.
Why does it matter what time it is You should definitely consider changing it to "Doesn't matter...", that's a lot stronger.

The verse in italics doesn't really add anything. When I hear it, I'm just thinking "I didn't say the time did matter!" You're putting a lot of emphasis on the time, which is odd if your message is that time didn't matter here.
It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just something I noticed.
but the memories remain, remember the song / that we sang in the rain
I've always thought mentioning a song inside a song is a bad idea. Wouldn't something like "remember the kiss / that we shared in the rain" be better?

Hi Neil,

Good stuff here.
I'm with Christiaan, it might be a little clichéd but I think that's because of the next line, which for me is a throw away anyway. The fact the the moon shines for me adds nothing to the story. Maybe something like
It was nineteen something, I think it was June
can't quite remember, but I remember the moon
I remember your face, the words that you said
you said you loved me

This gives a kind of connection between the round moon her round face which then connects with things her face is saying (a little insight there to the way my mind works (or doesn't maybe) in terms of abstract connections).

You should definitely consider changing it to "Doesn't matter...", that's a lot stronger
Yes I agree

Paul

aw, great angle to approach this! wish i'd thought of that :wink:

cheers,
straycat.