Hi,
winter always awakens my inner songwriter, and lo and behold I'm back with some new ones!
This just popped out in record time, so I thought I'd submit it for Week 9 before they drop off the page.
It seems a bit unfocused to me, so any ideas to help there would be useful.
Although the structure looks like VC-VC-VC-VC, one of the verses (probably 3rd) will have different chords/tempo, to become a bridge.
Many thanks.
Missed Opportunity
================
I snapped out of a daydream
As the green light changed to red
Our silence just got awkward
The words lost in my head
You see, you still get me tongue-tied
Even after all these years
If I could only write it down
Forget about my fears
Gotta shake these habits and break these chains
Gotta grab on with both hands again
Gotta keep on looking in the hope I'll see
Or it's just gonna be another missed opportunity
If best-laid plans are shaky
Then mine don't stand a chance
Some days I just give up
Call to cancel in advance
Maybe it's genetic
Or maybe it's just fate
You say "Funny how 'maybe later'
Always fades into 'too late'"
Gotta shake these habits and break these chains
Gotta grab on with both hands again
Gotta keep on looking in the hope I'll see
Or it's just gonna be another missed opportunity
The way I left you hanging
Wasn't meant to be goodbye
Your fingertips were itching
But I was in two minds
The problem is, I'm hung up
Playing for the perfect song
But every time I hit my note
The moment's been and gone
Gotta shake these habits and break these chains
Gotta grab on with both hands again
Gotta keep on looking in the hope I'll see
Or it's just gonna be another missed opportunity
I don't know if I can change
But I can only really try
I'm tired of the wooden spoon
The back end of the line
My new year's resolution
Is to give up being me
And try to be the guy
Who doesn't miss an opportunity
Gotta shake these habits and break these chains
Gotta grab on with both hands again
Gotta keep on looking in the hope I'll see
Or it's just gonna be another missed opportunity
Hey Martin,
Looking very good! These are the first lyrics of yours I've read, but I can tell you like to write.
Great opening lines, it immediately established the main character as being in a car, and I was a little disappointed you didn't mention this in later lines.
The line Funny how 'maybe later' always fades into 'too late' is an excellent line, worthy to be put into a book of quotes.
But it does seem like there's something missing.
I think it's because the lyrics are abstract, there's no situation with which to identify. The chorus starts with "Gotta shake these habits" but we don't know what habits those are.
The most obvious solution is to give the main character a big problem (like a drinking problem, or he's having a fight with his girlfriend), if you would mention that at the beginning there would be some drama with which to identify.
Hi Martin,
I agree with Chris' comments....I was with you in the beginning and in the car and the singer missed something the singee/passenger was talking about.....but then the story stops and the lyrics do what the singer is talking about.....drifting along....that can be the singer's problem, but the song/lyrics should keep the listener informed......
once I got here I didn't know what the song was about any more:
If best-laid plans are shaky
Then mine don't stand a chance
Some days I just give up
Call to cancel in advance
Suggestion:
Consider more "location" changes/references if the occur outside the first car scene
or set up the singer reflecting on the problem then using the verses to give examples of missed opportunities with more details.
Take or leave what works for you.....kudos on getting the ideas out. :D
James
