This is my late night contribution to the group. I hope you enjoy, and I welcome any and all criticism.
the clock ticks ten on a tuesday morning
and you barge in without warning
to tell me how my day is gonna be
open up my eyes you say
the world outsides awaiting me
there's so much out there left for me to see
but somedays i wanna close my eyes and just let the world pass
and sometimes i find that my own mind moves too god damn fast
in this world we live in, time has made us slaves
if we don't find a way to slow down how can we be saved
work is phoning, i'm not going
think i'll head down to the ocean
surf away my pain and misery
so leave your number, leave your name
i'll call you back some other day
right now these ocean's wave are calling me
===========================
"Songs aren't written, they're re-written."
Joseph
Welcome to Guitar Noise and SSG.
I like the song nice melody and you have a pleasant voice.
In one way I like the shortness of the song. You make your
point and leave it there. Yet in another it somehow feel like
it is unfinished. Maybe you have a little more to say.
The only suggestion I might make is on the line:
but somedays i wanna close my eyes and just let the world pass
This might work better as:
but somedays i wanna close my eyes and just let the world pass
me by
I know you have the partial rhyme with fast in the next line but
this uses the internal rhyme with eyes.
Once again welcome and looking forward to more from you.
John
I'd say promising - very promising.....it's a nice MP£, nice picking, there's just a couple of places where the lyrics seem to be at odds with the chords, although there's other places where you've changed the original lyrics (Father time, for example) to suit the music better....
It's nothing I can put my finger on, nothing concrete, but maybe if you threw a couple of descending basslines into those chords it might work better......
Nice singing, nice playing......definitely shows potential.....I'll have another listen in the morning.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Jarnusch
The quality of the MP3 is very good. The theme of breaking out of the routine is fairly strong and ou put it across very well
Welcome to SSG.
Good start
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
