Well it looks like Year 6 is off to an early start.
Thank you David for such an inspiring assignment.
I actually came up with the Title earlier today and was
working on a country song but it works well as a Blues.
If I Had The Time To Dream
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
But I ain't got no time for dreamin' I got so much work to do
Lord you know I ain't got much money and I toil for my pay
Lord you know I ain't got much money and I toil for my pay
I take what the boss man gives me bring it back home every day
There ain't a lot that I can give you just my love and a happy home
There ain't a lot that I can give you just my love and a happy home
I may not be a rich man but I'll never leave you on your own
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
But I ain't got no time for dreamin' I got so much work to do
John
First thing that sprang to mind was "old-fashioned".....this is a blues song like they used to be written in ye olden days of yore. Is that bad? No, it's good, it's TRADITIONAL - it's the way people USED to write. Not enough people keep that tradition alive these days - but that ain't no fault of yours, John.
(Sidenote - anyone else think "That Ain't No Fault Of Yours, John" would make a good title for a blues song?)
this song to me, would work well as Verse/Verse/Bridge/Verse....
Got to give it to you, Celt - you STILL got a handle on the blues. Was it Smokindog who said you ALWAYS had one hand on the blues? I'm not about to argue.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I can actually HEAR this song!
Very traditional Robert Johnson / Son House feel going on here, for me.
Classic lyrics, so much so that if I hadn't seen them here I would have thought they dated from the original blues period.
My only criticism would be that the lyrics and themes of verses 2 and 3 are almost so ubiquitous, that maybe they lack that spark of individuality that makes a song stand out. As a homage to traditional blues songs, it's spot on, but I would prefer to see that shot of originality that could only have come from you and you alone.
Another option might be to twist the other verses into the whole idea of "if I had the time to dream..." The first lines could be about dreaming about being a rich man (second verse) and dreaming about having a dream home (third verse) and then be hit back into reality on the punch line. It's a thought...
But as it stands, this is good work, John! And the blues is simply another country, right? :wink: Thankfully, I don't think we have to worry about passports.
Peace
Well Thank You All Very Much !
The Blues is my favorite genre of music and I always try to
stay as true as possible when writing it.
I think I understand what Martin and David are saying and
tried a rewrite with that in mind while still trying to keep
the traditional feel.
If I Had The Time To Dream
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
But I ain't got no time for dreamin' I got so much work to do
Lord I would dream that I had money and not have to toil for my pay
Lord I would dream that I had money and not have to toil for my pay
But I take what the boss man gives me bring home at the end of the day
I would dream for you a mansion where we could make our happy home
I would dream for you a mansion where we could make our happy home
Well we may not have that big fine house but I'll never leave you on your own
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
If I had the time to dream I'd spend my days in dreams of you
But I ain't got no time for dreamin' I got so much work to do
Much improved, Celt!
Can't add anything here. Great job!
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
i like the rewrite too. it's more descriptive.
Ill second that - the first go was good but the rewrite has improved it.
I think I can hear this one (and with my 'ears' that's saying something).
Cheers
Ola
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
I'll agree that the re-write is more descriptive, but I don't think it has quite the unforced naturally bluesy feel of the original. They're almost two different songs, or at least the same song written by two different people!
I think on the whole I prefer the original - not much it in, but still....
Hey maybe you could do it as "part 1" and "part 2?"
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
This is great John,
Just a couple of tweaks if this was my song.
Lord you know I ain't got much money and I work hard for my pay
Lord you know I ain't got much money and I work hard for my pay
But I take what the boss man gives me and bring it home every day
I think “work hard†has the same honesty that our character might have whereas toil is probably not a word he would use. Also a lot of less honest men might use hard work as an excuse to drink all their pay and not bring it home
John I actually wrote those changes before I saw your rewrite, definitely your rewrite works but I think I like your original better
Cheers
Paul
