OK so my thought pattern goes "If you are going to use a previously used title why not go for a classic"
Melissa
If I were to die tonight
You'd be the last thing on my mind
And If I were to cry tonight
It would be from leaving you behind
Melissa
I've known no other love but you
Melissa
We were so much more than two
If I were to call tonight
Would you pick up the phone
And if I were to stop on by
Would I find you on you own
Melissa
I've known no other love but you
Melissa
We were so much more than two
(Bridge)
Sometimes in the dead of night
I wake and call your name
And when day break brings it's morning light
It can never be the same
Melissa
Oh Melissa
If I were to die tonight
You'd be the last thing on my mind
And If I were to cry tonight
It would be from leaving you behind
Melissa
Oh Melissa...
John
Nice one John, it wasn't until the last verse that I got the "..last thing on my mind" word play, very good. You might consider using that ambiguity a little more if you felt inclined, I think its such a great line, perhaps in the bridge. Anyway I think the song is a good one,
cheers
Paul
John ,
Lovely piece of writing my friend , very nicely put together ...
When I looked at the title I was wondering what words rhymed with Melissa , the only one I came up with was sister ...
But you didn't need a rhyme at all , well done mate
Cheers
Trev..
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hi John :D
The "last thing on my mind" word play that Paul noticed is brilliant. I'd welcome the idea of dropping maybe one more tiny little hint to it in the last longer bit or in the bridge (so that dumb ones like me get it, with a bit of pondering, on their own, too :wink: )...
Neat!
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Very nice, congrats.
Jack
Thanks Guys
I'll see if I can rework the bridge some with your suggestions.
I'm not totally satisfied with it anyways.
John
John,
I like the stark sincerity of this one.
Just a few thoughts:
When I place it to a melody in my head, it seems ideally suited for something 94-96 bpm. When you record it, have you thought of starting quieter and working your way up to a cresecendo, then softening again at the end?
Can't wait to hear what you do with it.
Chris
Only thing I could think of would be to reverse the crying and dying lines.
Cry before you die.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hi John,
Very effective and very singable. It passes what I think is an important test of a song, as opposed to a piece of prose or a poem, in that it tells a story, but that it still survives as selection of small bits.
Unless the singing and arrangement is unusually clear and precise, it's fairly rare to be able to hear a full song, word by word, thought by thought, and 'get' everything exactly as the writer originally intended. Instead we tend to hear key phrases and bits of lyrics. If they paint a similar picture, but in a more impressionist or abstract sort of way then that's ideal, because that's mostly how most of us will hear it anyway. Your song is more or less a succession of lyric 'hooks', or short successful ideas and phrases, all of which serve the same theme. So I thought it worked very well.
A while back I was reading through a Bruce Springsteen songbook, and his lyrics on some songs looked pretty ordinary, or even quite muddled, if read like poetry. But when sung they absolutely came to life - punch after punch exactly on target - and if you missed a few words or a phrase it didn't matter much. The feel was there right from the start. Any extra detail could be picked up later but it didn't vary from the first feel, it just added to it. So I'm trying to do the same when I write now. I can churn out corny poetry by the yard without much trouble, but I've still got a long way to go before I master good song forms. You've always been way ahead of me with songwriting, so It's no surprise to see another good job done here.
Cheers,
Chris
PS I quite like Kenrogers suggestion of crying before dying too. And (because I can pick anybody's typos except my own... :roll: it should be 'its' not 'it's' in "And when day break brings it's morning light".
