Hi everybody
This is the first time I've ever wrote something and put it in public, but when I saw the SSG it sounded like a lot of fun and I thought I would try my hand at this.The song itself may not meet the complete criteria set forth in the listing, but it was totally inspired by the ideal of being on vacation and meeting some locals and this is what came of it.
The Way That It Goes
The trip was long
And before I had even got
I was already tired
By the time
I found a taxi
I had already walked for miles
Got to the hotel
Up to the room
Collapsed on the bed
I was hoping
This time would be perfect
But I wound up here instead
Woke the next morning
The sky was storming
What a start to a brand new day
The rain was pouring
And me with no cover
I ran for the café
Sat at the counter
Next to this girl
Who in my eyes
When she said hello
A voice so sweet
My what a delight
I shook off the rain
And I asked her
If she lived around here
She told me yes
And in her eyes
It was all so clear
She touched her fingers
To her lips
Then she touched my hand
And ever since
That faithful day
I've come to understand
CHORUS
Time and time and time again
You meet someone your life starts to spin
Spinning, spinning out of control
Where it's headed no one knows
Where it's headed no one knows
Now time has come
And time has gone
I'll never forget that day
The day this girl
Made me feel like a king
And my troubles seemed to slip away
I wish I could go
Back there again
But I don't know really where I was at
I can't tell
Even if it was real
Or if I ever really did that
CHORUS
Time and time and time again
You meet someone your life starts to spin
Spinning, spinning out of control
Where it's headed no one knows
Where it's headed no one knows
Well I guess that's just the way that it goes
I'm sorry this is for week 38
I'm sorry this is for week 38
No need to apologise - and welcome to the SSG.
I've had a quick read through - working on something myself, so, selfishly, I'm only thinking of my own song.
A couple of places, though, it looked as though you had an idea and didn't carry it through.....
"The trip was long
And before I had even got
I was already tired"
Looks to me like it needs another word after "got" - maybe half-way, or something along those lines.....got what? got where?
Similarly, there's another line here that looks unfinished;
"Sat at the counter
Next to this girl
Who in my eyes
When she said hello
A voice so sweet
My what a delight"
Who did WHAT in your eyes? looked in your eyes? spat in your eyes? got lost in your eyes? It just seems like an unfinished line......
Hey, they're only a couple of minor quibbles - rest of the song looks fine. And that's why you posted the lyrics, to get feedback on them, yes? Well - as always, just my opinion. I think you've got maybe 90% of a good song - those two little points are, IMO, all that need fixing.
Got any ideas for music?
Good to see a new face in here, hope you'll stick around for a while!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Vic,
thanks for the feeback.
your right there is supposed to be another word on that line
it should go
the trip was long
and before I had even got there
I was already tired
i'm thinking of changing the word trip to flight because of the taxi line in the next verse
also on the other line
who in my eyes
actually I was thinking that it led into the next verse of her having the sweetest voice
I guess it should read
who to my ears
but that didn't feel right to me but after looking at it and playing it,it might be ok actually I think I kind of like it, but I can't make it work with My what a delight on the next verse. I could change that verse too, but for some reason I really like that verse.
If you get a chance tell me what you think. I really appreciate it.
thanks
Malcolm
Got any ideas for music?
Vic
Hi again Vic
I do have it put to music
but it's real simple as I'm not very accomplished guitar player it's basically
A
the trip was long
B
and before I had even got there
B___________D_____________A
I was________already tired
that's for the verses
an the chorus goes
D
time and time ad time again
A
you meet someone your life starts to spin
D
sinning, spinning out of control
B_________________D______A
where it's headed no one knows
B_________________D______A
where it's headed no one knows
anyway thats what I done and I had a lot of fun working on it and I never would have wrote it without this forum.
Thanks for any feedback
Malcolm
Hi
Welcome to SSG
The truth is Vic pretty much covered my thoughts but I want to welcome you anyways.
John
Hi Malcolm,
welcome to SSG. I think this has all the ingredients of a good song well done. I was thinking about those lines that you were having trouble over and maybe something like this:
Sat at the counter
Next to this girl
Who in my eyes
Looked so cute
with a voice so sweet
My what a delight
looking forward to more
cheers
Paul
Hi Paul,
I liked the suggestion. I think I'm gonna use
sat at the counter
next to this girl
who in my eyes
looked so cute
her voice so sweet
my what a delight
