A Post after many months--F*** Your Fear

The filter on these boards work great! :wink:

ok ok i might have been a little harsh ??? but then maybe not ???

take your first verse for instance

"F your our fear and rule the world
dont come near or i'll f you up
i dont give a dam* if ya dont agree to me
you can take a walk, i'll f*** eternity

I have thought about this long and hard

" dam* your fear and rule the world

don't come near or i'll break you up

I don't give a dam * if you don't agree with me

you can take a walk -- for eternity "

The word dam* worked very well for a very popular band named Fleetwood Mac

:wink:

I think it f****** sucks. Just my opinion.

I think maybe it's a "back to the drawing board" job. :roll:

Gino,

not totally. Take the lyrics and simply cut all the expletives. Pad the rhythmic "holes" with other words (NO expletives) and look at the imagery - what pictures are conjured, in your mind? Don't read it as the composer, read it as a listener to your song.

You have a good basis, but the song must be able to create the images without expletives - they should only ever be used to ram a message home (a message that is strong and able to stand, on it's own). I'll use the example of "In the Ghetto" - listen very carefully to how the cycle is built - the child born into poverty and hopelessness until he feels compelled to get into a life of violent crime, resulting in his death and, while his life is ebbing away, somewhere else not far away, the same cycle is starting for another person. A very powerful story without any hint of "untoward" language.
Think of so many rap offerings, that try to convey a similar message, but with very limited vocabulary and unlimited expletives. To me, they come nowhere near the power (and simplicity) of something like "In the Ghetto".

You know it's not my work, dont you, GB?

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

well, i got a lot to say about this one.

First thing, jus another sin, we got to hear posts back from you so we can hear your argument and stop assuming things and having arguments with ourselves.

Second, I think everyone hasnt looked at the title of the song. It says the f bomb. Aren't powerful songs supposed to repeat the name of the song if that is the main point?

Third, I like swearing in music. Some of the most brilliant songwriters I've heard swear: Jonathan Davis, Corey Taylor, Maynard James Keenen. Sometimes you got to say what you got to say to get things off of your chest. Music is my therapy. I have very hatefull songs (very few, but they're there none the less) and I belive that this is the best therapy.

I liked the song.

Keep it up, jus another sin, keep it up.

Sorry, but I had to edit the last bit of your post. Come on now, you have your opinion, they have theirs. By insulting theirs you diminish your own argument about expressing oneself freely.

Keep it on topic please. You are critiquing the song, not the critiques.

Second, I think everyone hasnt looked at the title of the song. It says the f bomb. Aren't powerful songs supposed to repeat the name of the song if that is the main point?

We have looked at the title - and find that it using expletives for shock value rather than "power". Have you ever heard the phrase "flogging a dead horse"? This is what the song does - it loses all it's power by overuse of swear words.
Third, I like swearing in music. Some of the most brilliant songwriters I've heard swear: Jonathan Davis, Corey Taylor, Maynard James Keenen.

That these people are brilliant songwriters is your opinion. Some of the most brilliant songwriters that I've ever heard don't need to use swear words (that's why they're so good) - they have the vocabulary to say it without swearing - I repeat my earlier point that "In The Ghetto" is a very powerful song and not one swear word anywhere.

I'll withhold comment on your remaining philosophies.

Okay greybeard, I can get what you're saying now. I tried to re-write the song without swears and replacing them with an extended vocab and it sounds more proffesional.

But if you have ever read any lyrics to those artists, most of their songs dont swear, they just use them in some.

Good call Nick. Got carried away. I just want to say to others to maybe be more polite in critisising. Disagreeing is one thing, but don't discourage the songwriter to stop writing songs.

Good that you took the criticism as positive. Too many put stuff up for critique and find themselves unprepared for "constructive negativism".

I, for one, think that there is a place for anger and such, but feel that the English language offers so many elegant ways to express such emotions, without taking the "easy way out".

Again, congratulations,

Wow! i got u ppl taking. well i guess the major problem ppl have here is with the swearing part, i've written a few songs with no use of swearing but when i was writing this song i just let myself loose. The songs title is "f your fear" i jus merely repeated the same words in the chrous.
i dont think "you can take a walk.....to eternity" sounds better than "you can take a walk i'll f eternity" more polished probably but not better. this song was nerver meant to be a slick and polished piece of work it was meant to be RAW. there is a lot of hate in this world, we all probably swear in our daily lives i just put it on paper and i've become a low grade writer for it ?
has anybody tried seeing in the song.... the man who needs to get up and fight against the world? the lady who needs to fight against abuse? the guy who needs to get on with his life? these people probably dont think in politically or socially correct terms when they are down and out. this song is about them and thats why this songs goes the way it goes.
thanx

So what you are saying is that you got all these critiques from songwriters and listeners and you are just going to ignore them?

Overwhelmingly people suggested you try to color the song with more words, descriptive words and imagery. You don't think they have a point?

What was your point in posting it for critique? You wanted a pat on the back?

And I think the answer is yes, I didn't see the rest of the song. That's the point. Your message gets so lost in the swearing that you:

A: Take away any power that the offending words have by repeating them.

B: No one can see the point of the song.

.......well i guess the major problem ppl have here is with the swearing part
has anybody tried seeing in the song
The first precludes the second. The overuse of expletives totally detracts from any other message that your song may have.
The songs title is "f your fear"
Which really makes no sense at all.
i dont think "you can take a walk.....to eternity" sounds better than "you can take a walk i'll f eternity"
It sounds tons better apart from "i'll f eternity" being a completely senseless statement.
this song was nerver meant to be a slick and polished piece of work it was meant to be RAW.
Does RAW equate to "f"??? That really would be a very sorry situation.
we all probably swear in our daily lives.
In general, I don't. I can make myself understood perfectly well without the need for expletives peppering my sentences. However, people DO take notice when I do swear. The power of sparing use!
i just put it on paper and i've become a low grade writer for it ?
You are being critiqued on this one piece of work. It does not make you a low grade writer, it makes you the writer of a low grade song, in my opinion.
... the man who needs to get up and fight against the world? the lady who needs to fight against abuse? the guy who needs to get on with his life? these people probably dont think in politically or socially correct terms when they are down and out. this song is about them and thats why this songs goes the way it goes.
thanx
Then do these people justice - they need eloquent orators to make the case, on their behalf, not a verbatum report on their angry outbursts.