The title is a total cliche. Sorry bout that. I really think there's some content here though. Unfortunately I don't know how true i was to the theme. I wrote the bridge and chorus first with the theme in mind but the rest kinda wrote itself after that. If its too far off I suppose I could try again. I think I like this though. I'll also apologise for the subject matter... touchy subject to some.
-Marv
"Black and White (and Shades of Grey)"
She had a cancer
growing inside her
Went to the doctor
He made it a capricorn
And that's how babies arent born
She had to get out
Take care of it somehow
And she's convinced now
That this was all for the best
But still the demons wont rest
(bridge)
So she'll dress up all in black
And paint her face a ghostly white
And try her best to live a little
Where its a funeral every night
Where the drinks will never judge her
and the cocaine never tells
She's doesn't need to get to heaven
She just wants out of this hell
(chorus)
And what she's done
Whether wrong or right
Plays back in living color through her mind
The days are dark
But the stars are out tonight
So she'll try her best to leave the past behind
In black and white
Pure complication
No sense of direction
Just one decision
And the world has turned upside down
But where would they both be now?
Was that the answer
Growing inside her?
A little savior
wrapped up in swaddling clothes
But now she'll never know
(chorus 2)
And what she's done
Whether wrong or right
Plays back in living color through her mind
The past has passed
But the future starts tonight
She can't get back the life she left behind
In black and white
I really like the line "And try her best to live a little
Where its a funeral every night" Awesome!
The last line in the first verse seems a bit awkward as is the second to last line in the bridge.
Interesting subject for a song as well as storyline, songline, plotline, whatever you call it ::).
Good work
Laura
if im not wrong ur talkin about abortion??
i think that is the most cleverly written piece i've read on this board since i've joined. good job
Keep on rockin'
Marv,
I love the line And that's how babies arent born - I'm not 100% clear on how it fits with the first lines in the verse, but it seems to fit with the theme of the song.
My only suggestion is to change And the world has turned upside down to And the world has turns upside down
That keeps it following the same pattern of the earlier verses (in terms of syllables)
Great work,
SP
Well.. the first verse is a zodiac reference... i suppose
that's a bit obvious.. I can't think of any other uses of the word "Capricorn". But if you think of it in terms of Capricorn birthdates coming roughly 6 months prior to Cancer's, the last line fits better. Its a tad cryptic but I really like the verse.
You're right about the sylabble thing... consider it changed. I didnt even notice that when I wrote it. I just had to go back and count (with fingers no less). And sure enough.... so thank you there
I also noticed that I erroneously typed "She's doesnt" in the second to last line of the bridge... whoops. Its supposed to be just plain "She doesnt"
-Marv
Well.. the first verse is a zodiac reference... i suppose
that's a bit obvious..
I suppose it is, but I missed it. I picked up on capricorn being untimely, but I understood cancer to be alluding to the way many clinics will work any angle to convince someone that this collection of cells is somehow less than human. Even so, I think it works well as a double entendre.
As you noted, it's a difficult subject on so many levels, and I wouldn't have attempted it. But I think you did it well.
Good work marv.
scratchmonkey
Ya know.. I reread that post and decided I might have sounded like i was insulting some people's intelligence by saying something is obvious. Sorry. That wasn't the intention. perhaps i should have capitalized those two words or something.
ugh.
-Marv
Hi'a M O,
Excellent story line, i love the "cryptizism " ( if there is such a word) are we gonna hear this one too. i am downloading the other at the moment.
go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
I am currently working this one out musically. Also polishing up the lyrics.. removing uneeded words and trying to get the singability a tad better. I'll try and lay this one down tonight or tommorow.
-Marv
That's a great song Marv
Ijust can't help wondering if it would be better without the bridge part where she asks " was that the answer" etc.
To my mind it takes a bit of the mystery out of the song.
Without those lines the listener could be left guessing and thinking that they understand the song without being absolutely certain. I don't think it would detract from the idea of the song to do without them. Of course you might disagree completely.
I really love the line "plays back in living color through her mind"
Keep writing
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
well written song and like was said earlier on such a touchy subject you done great.
I like alot of things about this song and the way you have put it together like the last line in the chorus 2
She can't get back the life she left behind
I took it as meaning her life and also the baby,
nicely done.
good job
:)
