Untitled
V1
Countless souls swept away
Separately, can a mother choose
The hand to let go or draw near
"Oh God, I hope you'll appear"
V2
Burning life piled hundreds high
Landscape lost as we closed our eyes
Wandering through miles of great despair
"God it's me, are you there?"
Chorus
I see You in the goodness of strangers
In the tear of a father's eye
In the love of a brother, too young to remember
The day that his sister died
Here, there, everywhere
All that I really am
Focus on my hint of virtue
and not my right to condemn
V3
Babies in boxes carried to heaven
Shall pagan be my guide
Robotic rage is nothing new
"God, I've been looking all over for you"
Chorus
So this is a re-write from an old song that I incorporated the 5 words. ALL comments welcome. Thanks. G. :D
Rocketgirl,
Good song.
I like everything about it right up to the third verse.
It left me a bit confused and felt like it didn't belong with the rest of the song.
Then again that may have been just what you were going for.
All and All Good Job
Celt
Hi Rocketgirl,
I like this song too especially given recent events in Asia. I agree with The Celt about the third verse, it does seem to have a different feel to it.
Well done :D .
Hey, nice work. I think that anyone who has called out to God from the depths of their pain can relate. That'll connect on a deep level with those for whom there is a connection.
Not the flog a dead horse, but I gotta agree with the the last two posts about the 3rd verse... I think I know what you're getting at, but it needs a bit of tweaking. To be fair, though, I think for many of us, working the word "robotic" into our songs was like taking a hammer to a puzzle peice 'cause we can't make it fit otherwise.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Whoops, I must have clicked Submit twice. If their is anyway to delete this can someone PM me?
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Spectacular.
Here, there, everywhere
All that I really am
Focus on my hint of virtue
and not my right to condemn
that i thought was my favorite part. :D The chorus was strong, especially becuase it's tone contrasts with the verse so strongly (like a sad - happy thing). Shall pagan be my guide
I didn't get that line at all (sorry) :(
And there were a couple of places that are a little odd concerning the wording, where a couple of the five words are. I mean, I suppose since this is a rewrite that was just to fit those words in, the original probably sounds much better better. A couple of the words fit in nicely though - didn't even notice them.
Oh, I also like how this is different in theme from the other songs (it's that 'robotic', made everyone think the same thing :lol: )
"You know, it eez possible to be too attractive." - Pepe le Pew
"Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes." - Bill and Ted
Thanks everybody for your feedback. You guys are right, definitely need to change the third verse. No excuses, maybe just kinda lazy with using a reworked song. The original third verse was
Babies in boxes carried to heaven
Along with my faith and hope
Death and destruction are nothing new
"God I've been looking all over for you"
Rush,
Shall pagan be my guide
Yeah, doesn't really make sense. This is how I'll kinda explain my thoughts behind this. Being mad at my God for allowing these horrific things to happen, maybe I'll got against my beliefs, and be lead by atheism. Funny, the part you liked wasn't part of the original. Had to make another chorus to use focus.
Oh, I also like how this is different in theme from the other songsI sorta cheated using an old song, next week I'll try to come up with something fresh, hopefully not as hard. :) Thanks again for all your replies. G.
That gave me chills. Kinda put a lump in my throat, and that ain't easy. Hell it's still there. Nicely done.
