Hi everybody. This is my first post ever on the Guitar Noise forums, but I've been surfing around here for a while, soaking up wisdom like a sponge. I don't know why it took me so long to find you guys, but this seems like a really cool group. I took a look at the most recent set of guidelines and tried my hand at a song. It's called Filter and it's about how annoying high school is and how it discourages individuality. All kinds of criticism accepted. For real.
Here goes:
Filter
Verses 1 + 2
Welcome to the real world
Oh, don't mind the cellophane
Have you come to trade their clockwork
For your million dollar brain?
This landscape is in motion,
Shifting all your flaws to view
The day your focus slips is
when they draw their lines on you
Chorus:
Stairways and hallways, robotic dreams
Sorry to say that it's all what it seems
Go back to where it was you came from
Use your wings or else they'll take ‘em
‘Cause if your soul shines too bright
They'll filter out the light
Verses 3+4
March on, wandering army,
Play your mindless soldier games,
If they stripped you of your medals
Would your spirits look the same?
In times like these a classroom
Doubles as a prison cell
Separately they locked us all in
Shadows moving at the bells
Chorus:
Stairways and hallways, robotic dreams
Sorry to say that it's all what it seems
Go back to where it was you came from
Use your wings or else they'll take ‘em
‘Cause if your soul shines too bright
They'll filter out the light
Bridge:
Learn to run before you walk
Their commandment's scrawled in chalk
They made the rules for their protection
A warning sign in the wrong direction
Chorus:
Stairways and hallways, robotic dreams
Sorry to say that it's all what it seems
Go back to where it was you came from
Use your wings or else they'll take ‘em
‘Cause if your soul shines too bright
They'll filter out the light
Hey Beatles Kid
Firstly welcome to the forum.
I think there is some great potential in this song. The points you make in each verses are all valid. My issue is this: The central theme of the song to my mind is the “Tall Poppy†stuff and I think the chorus states this well. I just feel that verses don't link to the theme as well they could. Its almost like you are trying to say too much, sometimes less is better. Anyway great first song , keep them coming :D .
loved this song! i could really relate to it...when you mentioned high school at first i thought it was going to be a bit cheesy and cliche but it really wasnt! the only bit that i thought was a little too like that would be this part...
In times like these a classroom
Doubles as a prison cell
but apart from just those lines it was great! hope to hear from you again!
Welcome to the forum!
Loved the song. I sort of agree with pbee about trying to cram so much in, but I thought it was great. Sometimes I try to cram in a lot of stuff in my songs, but I always end up with useless crap that just takes space. This was well writin.
Use your wings or else they'll take ‘em
‘Cause if your soul shines too bright
They'll filter out the lightI thought these lines stood out as being the main theme of the story. Just by reading these, I can relate this sing to so many other things in this controlling world. I think we write some pretty close stuff. If you could, I'd love to hear it on an mp3. I'd be mad at you if you don't keep writing songs and posting them. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Beatles Kid
It's been quite some time since I was in High School but from the sounds of this it hasn't changed much.
Welcome to the Forum
Good Job
Celt
hey and welcome:)
I really really love these two lines:
if your soul shines too bright
They'll filter out the light
well done
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Yeah it took me back to high school hell. Good job.
