SSG Year 5 Week 3 - Dream Boats - with MP3

I really like this chefie

My only criticism is the line
as I find myself sailing in my dreamboat in the sky
I've never felt so happy and I don't mind if I die
but there's one more thing I'd like to do
is to leave this dreamboat for you
it's wonderful

It just doesnt fit at all for me. The last verse is about being happy, right?

Perhaps something more like

I've never felt so happy I hope it doesnt pass me by

Just a thought

Pete

Chefie,

I love this one. "And I wonder" at the end of each stanza really comes over nicely. The progression from wondering what else could be, to realizing that what seemed important is not, and what seemed trivial is really important is really smooth. The "Don't mind if I die" line didn't strike me so much, it seems as if the narrator isn't expressing a "death wish" so to speak, but a level of comfort with where he is. (If that makes any sense) The line that dug at me a bit was:
to find out that everything I was doing was wrong
To me it's too long to fit the rest of that verse. Perhaps:

"To find everything I did was wrong"

might flow better.

Real good though. I really enjoyed reading this.

Hi Mate

Neil this is a very sweet sounding song mate ..

I do agree with Scratch about this line though :

to find out that everything I was doing was wrong
Scratchs' idea ..
"To find everything I did was wrong"

Nice one again Neil ...

Cheers

Trev...

Neil,

I must say I truly admire the fact the you somehow manage
to submit not only a good song but an MP3 most weeks.

The line that seems to be in question doesn't bother me that
much. It has become part of your style to write these lines that
would twist any body's tongue and then pull them off.

While speaking of your style (which I love by the way)
it may be time to change it up a little. I enjoy listening
to your songs but there seems to be a sameness about
them. It would be nice to hear you try something out of
your comfort zone on occasion. This is not so much a criticism
an a nudge. I hope you understand what I'm saying and I know
I should most likely take my own advice also.

Maybe Bob will do an assignment on that subject sometime.

John

Thanks Guys,

You all managed to pick up on everything that was bothering me, including you John. I really have been in a rut as of late. Partially I think it has to do with my limited range on the guitar so I've finally decided to take some honest to goodness in person lessons and I begin on Friday. That should be a real trip after doodling on my own for the past two and a half years.

Anyway, thanks again guys, it really helps getting objective feedback.

Neil

I did think - when I listened to the MP3 - it sounded quite similar to the last one......you have a unique style and a good voice, I always enjoy listening, but what John said is true - maybe it's time for a change of tempo, maybe a little finger picking, without losing your unique identity?

Your guitar playing doesn't sound that limited to me - you always seem to come up with nice chords that fit the lyrics perfectly......

As always, enjoyed the writing, nice take on the topic.......enjoy the lessons! trouble is, if you get really good on guitar, you'll want to re-record everything.........

:D :D :D

Vic

Hi Neal

This is a really nice song - good take on this week's topic. I really like the idea of needing to break away and once you realise the only thing holding you back is yourself the rest is easy. MP3 is good as well.

I like the dreamboat metaphor for planes as well. People do tend to dream a lot about flying away.

Good stuff

Bob :wink: