OK I'll give this a whirl. I dabble with composing instrumental music, this is my first attempt at songwriting (and vocals).
I started out with the telescope theme but wandered off topic right away. I put the vocal track low in the mix hoping to give it a "dreamy" quality, but instead it just turned out obnoxious. Probably better not to mess with that.
It's pretty rough but there are some possibilities, I might retake the tracks & remix. Or not.
http://music.squeaky-wheel.com/LastMinuteCodeShare.mp3
Last Minute Code Share
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Y'see, I have this vision.
It's an intergalactic mission.
It covers lots of time and space.
I'd better go pack my suitcase.
The trip takes quite awhile and
light years don't count towards air miles.
They said all the flights are booked
so I'll just sit out back and look.
Thoughts can travel for free
and don't have to obey relativity.
It worked for John Carter anyway...
Hi Aliens,
OK, good start there. I really like the Burroughs reference. And songs about space travel are ALWAYS awesome in my book.
The way you've spoken it over (or under) your instrumental is an interesting choice. Did you do that because you don't sing? Or simply because that's how you wanted it?
When I wander off the topic, I go with it, but then I look to see how I can tie it back in later. Sometimes that makes for a more cohesive piece of work.
If you are looking to fill out the song, perhaps expanding on the narrator's "vision." Why is he going? Where is he going? I don't feel a connection with him at this point. He's a guy with a vision, but is being very vague.
One thought I had, since the narrator goes from thinking of making the trip physically to contemplating making the trip mentally/spiritually (ala John Carter), maybe we could give him more personal reasons (But I don't want to pack my suitcase?) to give him depth.
Another thought is to use these spoken verses, but add a sung chorus. And use that chorus to draw the theme in and put it together - like glue.
Thanks for posting,
Doug
I did a remix which helped. A lot of the problem was confusion from equipment.
http://music.squeaky-wheel.com/LastMinuteCodeShare.mp3
1) The drum track was out of sync so I took it out. Not really necessary because the bass keeps time, but it sounded nice for the solo.
2) Put the vocal higher up in the mix. I was talking past the microphone like a telephone, I learned that from public speaking. I guess a vocalist's mic is built to be sung into directly - seen it a million times but never thought about it.
3) I got the mix pretty much the way I wanted it through headphones on my 8-track, then I uploaded it to my computer and it sounded awful through the PC speakers. So I also got a crash course in mastering. But that's another can of worms...
The way you've spoken it over (or under) your instrumental is an interesting choice. Did you do that because you don't sing? Or simply because that's how you wanted it?
Yes, and yes. I can sing but it's been awhile, I'm working vocal exercises into my daily routine. I composed to my "present facilities". Actually I like my own singing voice but not my speaking voice.
One thing I can't do at all is play and sing at the same time, I'm working on that too.
Another thought is to use these spoken verses, but add a sung chorus. And use that chorus to draw the theme in and put it together - like glue.
The chorus was instrumental by design, it's "semi-surf music". That pretty much cuts the lyrics down to 3 stanzas. It's lyrically unambitious. I actually spent more time writing this post than composing the lyrics!
This 'song' was really just a plumbing check, I learned a lot from it. Thanks for the input.
Well - I have to say, I really enjoyed the MP3. Kind of a cross between Talking Heads (good, IMO) and the Beach Boys (also good.) Cool bass line, nice lead work. Only criticism I have is that the vocals are a bit far back in the mix - they really don't come across too well, if I didn't have the lyrics in front of me whilst listening, I wouldn't be able to make out what you're saying.
Pretty cool, IMO - I could listen to it more than once. Actually I just did......
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Aliens
Gotta say, the groove got me going. Although I'm not into any space stuff, I found this song intriguing. I don't particularly care for the suite case line though.....but hey, that's my issue. Great job, and great (and out of the ordinary) take on the assignment
Looking forward to here more of your writings
Blessings. Olav
I like the music. Lyrics are fun, too, though I'd like to hear some of it sung--like maybe the chorus at least. All in all, though, I enjoyed it. Looking forward to hearing more.
Joe
Aliens
Welcome to SSG.
This sounds a lot like Frank Zappa (that's good)
I agree with the others a sung chorus would help this piece.
Looking forward to more.
John
Wow, judging by the downloads, posting this here got a lot more exposure than I would have guessed. I did a 3rd take as a courtesy to the listener. Now you can actually hear the vocals and there are some other minor changes.
http://music.squeaky-wheel.com/LastMinuteCodeShare.mp3
If I were change anything it would be to raise the tempo to 120 or so. But at this point I think it's reached its full potential. On to the next project...
Thanks to all for your feedback.
