Week 4--Just a Man

only one criticism. superman has a red 's' :P
i love the lines "when you were working extra hours, i thought you were saving lives."
I like the whole thing in fact.
nice work.

Thanks, that was what I thought. I drew a blank on it all of a sudden and made the mistake of asking someone. Meant to double check that, but forgot. So, thanks.

Joe

I love the idea, you had for this song. I think you pulled it off well.

Do you have music for this song?

One thing, 6'4'" is still larger than life for us shorties, :lol:

Bring that down to us regular folk, and it come across better.

Thanks Shift. I had thought about making him a lot shorter, but truthfully, I wrote the song for my dad, who happens to be 6'4, and I didn't want to put some fake height in there just for effect. I think by saying I now stand eye to eye with him sort of cancels out him being so huge to me --since it is in reference to myself I'm speaking. If I do ever record this commercially I may change his height to 5'7 and have mine at 6'0, or maybe not, since I've found if I deviate from the truth and write something just for effect, a lot of times it ends up sounding predictable and cliche--even phony. But I will certainly consider it if that time arises. Thanks for the suggestion. Yes, I do have music. I usually set my lyrics to music before I post, mainly because it's not usually finished until it's put to music. Even when I think I'm happy with the lyrics, I usually end up making some changes when I write the music. Hopefully one of these days I'll get that MP3 thing going and be able to post some songs. But fair warning for anyone who's made the request--since I joined SSG in May, I've accumulated over 50 completed songs. I could crash your computer! :twisted: :wink: Okay, I'm rambling now. Thanks again. Have a super week.

Joe

Hi Joe,

I can hear this song as a nice acoustic number with the bold lines almost spoken but certainly running together. A bit like the way beans7178 sang his first song.
Theres only a couple of lines that I would change and that's only a style/meter thing really.

I remember when I was small
How at 6'4 you were larger than life
How you used to seem so tall
But now we stand eye to eye

And there's so much I can recall
About things you said and things you did
You're not that superhero at all
I thought you were when I was a kid

You showed me how to be strong
But held me when I was low
You showed me how to stand so tall
But caught me if I would fall
It seems to me that he is a super hero but just not one that wears a cape and saves the world.

Other than that, this is a nice song, good stuff,

Cheers
pbee

Thanks Pbee. You're right, it's a style and meter thing. Sometimes something sounds great to me when I first sing it in my head, and then changes completely when I put music to it--I end up changing, adding, though mostly omitting words, whole lines, sometimes even entire verses, or just changning them around. That's why I usually don't submit lyrics until I've put them to music.

I kind of like the "Now we stand eye to eye." It leaves a bit of a pause, which I'm not crazy about, but something I can probably live with because I like the line, and really I think my being old enough would be implied.

The word "vulnerable" came out of me, rather than the word "low" and I think for me it had a certain meaning that seemed to encompass more than just "low." I used "whenever I would fall" rather than "if" I think because when I was thinking about it, I realized there really were no "if's." I did fall. And that's how I knew he was there. So, I wanted it to have a more definite sound.

The stand tall line--adding the word so sort of gives it a different meaning for me--sounds like I'm referring to the physical sense rather than being strong and proud, plus it fits better to my music without the extra word. But I'd definitely be interested to hear how you hear it.

I'm pretty sure I'll change "the" to "that" superhero at all. I like it. Thanks Pbee!

Oh, and you're right, he still is pretty super.

Joe

Okay, I changed the "vulnerable" line to make it clearer about how I meant it. I think it works better now, and I made a couple of little changes based on Pbee's suggestions. So, thanks everyone for your input. Hopefully Dad'll like it. Just in case, I'll get him a sweater too.

Joe

Joe,

Great song.

You really got to the point of what it truely means
to be a Man.

John

I like it Joe...killing two birds with one stone, fits the "flawed hero" assignment nicely and a pretty cool tribute to your dad...hope he likes it!

I'd keep the ending, rounds things off nicely....you've got a nice blend of humour and sincerity here, some lines made me smile, others had me nodding my head and thinking, "yes, my old man was like that...."

Like you, when I was a kid, I thought my dad was a giant...he was a shade over 6 feet tall, I'm now 6'5"....

Good song!!! Be interested to see what kind of music you put to this...

:D :D :D

Vic