Hello,
The last gathering I attended was a memorial service for a very talented man that I had never had the good fortune of meeting in life. My wife and I were neighbors with his daughter some years ago. Towards the end of this man life my wife ,through her work with our local Hospice organization,
began working with this family. When the time came for the memorial we drove to this families home and join in a celebration of this wonderful mans life. It was actually late summer but seeing how he was an actor the more Shakespearian mid summer seemed appropiate. I know Bob said to practice brevity and I think I did with the song. It's this #&*%introduction where I'm getting long winded. But I felt the story needed telling . So without futher ado:
Ashes to Ashes
(verse 1)
We gathered in honor
on a mid summers day
to celebrate life
not the passing away
(chorus)
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Your spirit and memory to the winds we entrust
(verse 2)
Cohorts spoke of his passion
his family and friends
the kind words he'd spoken
his strength till the end
(chorus)
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Your spirit and memory to the winds we entrust
(bridge)
Although I'd never met him
I could still feel him there
like a warm ray of sunshine
or a wisp in the air
(verse 3)
And they'll cherish his memory
his children and wife
the love that he gave
as he passed through this life
(chorus)
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Your spirit and memory to the winds we entrust
Celt
The Celtic Bard does it again!
This is a wonderful piece Celt. You certainly accomplished the brevity portion quite well. The rhymes, the structure, the flow, it all works together terrifically. Nothing I can see that I would change. Just very well done.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
I can only echo JD's sentiment's about this......
Songs like this can so easily become maudlin and oversentimental, you managed to avoid that....lyrics are easy on the eye, nice simple chorus, there's one tiny thing to point out......
"They spoke of his passions" ..........
His passions could've been anything from building model aeroplanes to nude subathing.......
"They spoke of his passion".......
Now I see in my mind's eye a crusader, a man who'll stand up for what he believes in, a strong, forthright, passionate man......see the difference? A passionate man, rather than a man with many interests.......sometimes a word, or even a single letter, as here, can alter the sense of a line or in extreme cases, the whole song!
I hate pointing things like this out, I always feel like I'm nitpicking, especially here because it's a lovely piece of work - I can only defend myself by pointing out I always try to be constructive in my criticism, and try and focus on the good things wherever possible.......and if it helps anyone in any way, then it's worth it..........
Nice one Celt, keep 'em coming!!!
Vic.
:) :) :)
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Vic
I see what you mean about the passion vs passions thing. I'll have to think about that for a while because what I was trying to convey was that he was a passionate man with many interests. Oh Boy, a conundrum wrapped in an enigma.
Celt
Celt,
great stuff, as usual. I liked that at the end of a song about a funeral i felt happy/light.for that, i think we can forgive you the extra verse ;)
I must say, critiquing on the forum this year is easier than i was last year. everyones song generally seem to come out well polished, just need a quick pat on the back, a jealous glare...oops... and then onto next week
nice writing
sozay
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
OK Sozay You may have caught me. But I haven't work out the music yet and in my mind the " extra verse " :wink: will be done different . So for now I wiil argue that it is a bridge.
Scratch , Thanks The Muse came back for this one. God I missed her.
Celt
hey celt,
it is great to see that your muse has come back. a man reunited with his muse is such a wonderful thing to behold. i think you held your own with out her though. you did manage to do a great job with a slightly tricky subject. you managed to caputer the sentiment with such a tenderness.
the chorus is just wonderful, such sentiment in only two lines. wow.
there is nothing negative that i can say about this song.
-CheapThrill
beautiful, really. :D
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Celt,
It looks like all has been said already but I felt I had to at least post to let you know how much I liked this one. Very well put.
TheJackal
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=283413
Only dead fish go with the flow.
nothing to add really,
the balence of the song, content and structure are just right.
great work
rob:)
Wrote mine before checking out other's, didnt want to be overly influenced.
Mine was purely hypothetical, and its easy to write about pure fantasy, theres no end of scope for the imagination.
Your's being connected to a genuine event, makes it more meaningful.
Very nicely done.
Simple and highly emotive.
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
It is definately good, as others have already said, but I would alter the meter in the bridge more. As it is it is more of a 4th verse than a bridge.
Could you replace 'They' in some of the verses with something more descriptive? All of your verses, except the bridge, begin with 'They'.
Leave the chorus alone.
Thank You nroberts! I never noticed that THEY thing until you mentioned it. It should be an easy fix. At least I'll give it a try. As for the bridge, I probaly should work on it. I'll let it stand for now and see where it goes when I work out the music.
I was thinking a Gregorian Chant with a Metal part for the Bridge and a Chior of Angels on the Chorus :? :?: :?
Celt
OK So I when back and did an edit The They thing is now history and I decided to take Vic's advice and drop the S on "passions" It really does work better. Especially now with his Cohorts now doing the speaking.
Thanks everybody on all the feed back on this one.
Celt
Glad to have been of service!!!
I've learned so much from Guitarnoise, it's nice to be able to give something back.......
Great song!!!
:D :D :D
Vic.....
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
