Will you be there? (Summer Theme)

I'm glad you liked it bushpig, thanks for the responce :)

I'll look into that sentence and how I can chance it to fit.

Aya pig, I agree but it depends on how he does it... if he ends it sharp it will work, but if you wanted it to be like hoooooold or holdddddd it kind of gets chunky... Its not the size of the hammer... its what youre nailing. remember that. :)

Duff

I agree with what Manitou said about the lineor does springtime love in the summer hold?

It all depends how you do the music it could work.

Personally I would consider if the word "or" is needed.

But that's just me.

One other minor part:
When summers sun sets up my heart...

For some reason I feel this would read better as:When summers sun sets in my heart...

OR

When summers sun sets on my heart...

Just my thoughts

John

Im with the pig. To me the hold word reads sort of "flat" maybe something like this
Because summer light is here to stay
But when it comes to you what can I say?
In the summer heat will I stand alone
And that promise of spring be dead and gone
Other than that I like it.

cheers

Paul

I liked it, too. And sorry, I know your head must be spinning by now with all our suggestions, but it's only because you inspired us with your lyrics. How about a combination of yours and Paul's:

Will springtime love be dead and gone

Well done. Looking forward to hearing it, though lately I can't seem to get my soundclick to play. It's probably something simple, but since I'm not a computer geek I have no clue what it is. The Lo and Hi fi won't play and the Mp3 loads to WM, but then won't play. Anyone?

Thanks for all the advice. Yes, my head is swimming, because I'm trying to fix the line so that it suits the song as I'm playing it in my head. Eventually I'll figure it out.

About soundclick. I have to click the download option for it to work, and it opens it up in Quicktime. O well, as long as it works...

Thanks again, and I'll post any corrections I'll make. Already anxious for next week, as I feel I'm getting the hang of this ;)

I feel I'm getting the hang of this ;)
Good for you the more you write the better you get.

I have to say an enjoyable piece but I'm on the 'not how you'd say it so why should it be sung that way' with the much discussed line above.

However, if you can make it work then that's OK.

Few minor suggestions

When summers sun sets upon my heart...

and

Summers light is here to stay
When it comes to you what can I say?

Look forward to hearing it (i'm at work so can't at the moment) :wink:

Bob :wink: