hey... here you go:
The weakest link
It's like stains on the wall of an ancient hall
Where parts of the mural gave in
-yes, it's always the weakest link-
Giving in-
Everyone wavering knows it's so tempting
Above all when you have no word to cling to
Or no strength to keep a vow you made to yourself
When you were still someone else
You'd probably weep if I were to tell
That this is who you'll become
A journal might be your witness, but it'll support my case
And you'll find all your promises are like parachutes which never bloomed,
Like the weather- seldom reliable, like breathing on the moon- bound to fail
Take a break.
Before you tear out my forked tongue in a rage
I have shared your cup
At the age of seven I swore to myself
I'd never get lowered into the ground like that
Too sad time seems to have a sturdier grip than mine slipping in sweat
I'll sure die
And as the seasons elapse I'm beginning to lose my faith
In the phrase that it will all work out
hope you like it.
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Wow, I actually got that one. On the FIRST read! I'm so proud of myself. Very piognant, Angel. I like this one. Only line I wasn't sure about was the parachute one. Is there a flower by that name? If not maybe just say "opened," or use a flower if you wanna say bloom. But other than that I didn't have any trouble getting your drift, and I liked what you had to say. So, thanks.
Joe
Hey
Welcome back this is the stuff I enjoy from you , one question though
should this not be :
I'll surely die ?
rather then :
I'll sure die
thats my only problem
Well done great lines once again from you such as
Before you tear out my forked tongue in a rage
and
Everyone wavering knows it's so tempting
great stuff well done again :wink:
cheers
L.K :arrow:
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Very good. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Hey Blue,
this is really good writing. I like the way the song progresses from an object, to another person (could be yourself in the 3rd person) and then to yourself (in the 1st person) thats nice, it cleary directs the song to those last two very good lines.
For me this is up there as one on my favourites, well done :D .
pb
Hi'a Blue,
I am really battling to find a constant rhythm to the lyrics here, , but as you know i am one of those who prefer your simple ones !!!!! not knocking this, the content is fine but can't put it to a best of any kind
Go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Hey Blue,
Loved the line:
like breathing on the moon- bound to fail
Great image. You could probably drop the part about 'bound to fail'. The 'breathing on the moon' part definitely implies failure. I'm guessing it's there to fit your to fit your rhythm though.
Also liked:
Tear out my forked tongue in a rage
Man, the scene that this line paints in my head is great. Again, you could probably drop the 'in a rage' part since the image is pretty violent.
Good work.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
wow, such nice feedback;)
glad you like it.
Only line I wasn't sure about was the parachute one. Is there a flower by that name?
joe, I don't think there's a flower by that name, I just thought a parachute looks like a flower when opening, besides 'bloomed' kinda rhymed with 'parachutes' in a way....;)
should this not be :
I'll surely die ?
rather then :
I'll sure die I think I've heard people use 'sure' that way before, it's most likely slang, but I thought you can say that... can't you? then no problem it'll have to change.
yes, there's no constant rhythm, ja'mir, but I had some kind of rhythm in my head though. :wink:
slowplay, you're right I could drop the two parts you mentioned, but they're there for reasons of rhyming and rhythm...:)
thank you all, I'm happy;)
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
