One man's desent into madness.
My apoligies to Barry Mcguire for the "Eve of Destruction" line.
I guess I shouldn't have read Vic's posting before finishing this.
Schizophrenia
All the Angels and Demons
That live in our thoughts
Wage war for our
Hearts and our minds
Nation after Nation
Of legions have fought
The Poorest of Poor
Sent to man the front lines
So what is the price of a soul on this day
Do they pay you in silver and gold
and who is to blame
When we've all gone insane
Will this madness prevail uncontrolled
All the flotsam and jetsam
That reason has wrought
Lays waste to the
Soul of mankind
Mothers anf Fathers
The lies they have taught
Is The Eve of Destruction
Drawing near in these times
So what is the price of a soul on this day
Do they pay you in silver and gold
and who is to blame
When we've all gone insane
Will this madness prevail uncontrolled
All the doctor and lawyers
In thier snare have us caught
This 6 by 9 cage
Is it mine
Pills and injections
Are all for naught
The voices persist
They won't be left behind
So what is the price of a soul on this day
Do they pay you in silver and gold
and who is to blame
When we've all gone insane
Will this madness prevail uncontrolled
Celt
Great job Celt. All the entries are so solemn this week! I guess the words lend themselves to gloom. I really can relate to this though, as my first husband suffered from PTSD as a result of his Vietnam service. And the bankers and laywers don't seem to realize the future that they're inflicting on these guys.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Hi Celt,
I like the Angels and Demons battle as a philosophical conflict versus an internal one. I also like the way the battle happens within each person but the war is on a societal level. When I read it I felt that the rhyming was a bit bouncy for my taste. How it sounds as a song of course is a different story. Anyway good job. :D
That confuses me pbee since most songs are sad if you read the lyrics, even rock songs. They're usually about lost or unrequitted love or some other downer and most of them rhyme and some are even fast. In fact I kinda like that contrast.
I thought it was fine Celt. The ryhming didn't seem forced, and it made me chuckle how you pretty much got all the phrases out of the way in the first verse. I could almost hear you sighing great relief on that one. Nice job.
Joe
:oops:
philosophical conflict versus an internal one
what I meant to say was "philosophical conflict versus an international one" as in a physical war.
As for the rhyming, its just a personal preference really, and of course each song stands by itself. I guess when Im reading something as opposed to listening to it, if it bounces along i get distracted from the message. That is, the rhythm of the poem grabs hold my emotions, as a song of course, the melody would do that job. So if the mood created by the rhyming is not the intended mood of the song, then for me there's a conflict. I still think its a great song. Id love to hear it. :D
I liked it. There was a lot of thought in this one, no?
The voices persist
They won't be left behindGreat part. It seemed to me that the voices were in the man's mind and were growing, no matter how hard he tried to evade them. I really related to this one. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
NIIIIIIIICE one!!!!
I also liked the play betweem internal and global conflict....leastways, that's the way I read it....
So what is the price of a soul on this day
Do they pay you in silver and gold
and who is to blame
When we've all gone insane
Will this madness prevail uncontrolled
I really really like that....stron powerful imagery, the verses are pretty good but this is excellent....really adds a powerful motif to the song....
:D :D :D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
nice job! it didn't seem like somebody told you to write a song using those phrases. it was just natural
to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects
Good job! I was very impressed by how naturally you fit in the assigned phrases. I especially love the chorus. Only one line stuck out to me - "In thier snare have us caught" - any time you invert a sentence like that it tends to sound a little awkward and forced (sort of yoda-ish)
:) Portia
Thank you all for your comments.
These last couple of asignments have been verry interesting. Being given the words to work with has been an interesting challenge.
For me the challenge this week was not to make a political song and not to use all the phrases in one verse.
As you can see I totally failed on the later and only had minor success on the former. My idea was to present this as the parinoia of a person losing touch with reality but it appears there would be some truth in what the character has to say.
The Rhyme scheme is quite intentional and I only hope I can set it to suitablely dark music to make it work. Portia, I agree with you comment about the "yoda-ish " line in the last verse it is forced. I'm not very happy with that entire verse but haven't been able to come up with anything better yet. Oh well,I'll keep trying.
Thank you all once again for your comments
Celt
