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Year 4, Week 6 - Texas Rose - martin-6

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(@martin-6)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 418
Topic starter  

This is the first song I've written as an SSG assignment. Quite pleased with the way the assignment cleared my writer's block, and I got this out in about 45 minutes.

The song has a country feel (hopefully my first of many in this genre) and is not that heavy on the numbers. This is a first draft but once I have written the music I will probably rewrite the chorus and insert more rose/flower references throughout. Plus the usual fine tuning.

Texas Rose
----------------

[verse 1]
When she was 21, in college
She was shy and kind of awkward
And hid behind the bar as I tried to catch her eye
She'd never open up
Wouldn't dance or flirt or even talk
As all my good intentions just passed her right on by

[chorus]
She's a Texas Rose, shining like the sun
But no-one can get close enough to know her
She could have it all, she could be the one
If she'd only let me in I'd gladly show her

[verse 2]
Pushing 28
I came back home to Pasadena
She was workin' in the same old joint, served coffee for a buck
We got talkin', kinda hit it off
Seemed to me she's lonely
Dead-end job, no money, and always down on her luck

[chorus]
She's a Texas Rose, shining like the sun
But no-one can get close enough to know her
She could have it all, she could be the one
If she'd only let me in I'd gladly show her

[verse 3]
A few years back we met by chance
When she broke down on the highway
Took her back for dinner and to catch up eye to eye
Said I ain't seen you in seven years
Tell me what you're up to
She looked down at the carpet and her silence filled the night

[bridge]
She said, "when I was 17," and then broke down in tears
Told me 'bout the monster who stole her teenage pride
Pinned her in an alleyway and had his way despite her cries
I held her in my arms and told her things would be alright

[chorus]
She's a Texas Rose, shining like the sun
But no-one can get close enough to know her
She could have it all, she could be the one
If she'd only let me in I'd gladly show her

[verse 4]
Last week in Pasadena
We found life begins at 40
Close friends and family round to help us celebrate
She's got one in the oven
And I'll be proud to be a daddy
I always did believe that good things come to those who wait

[chorus]
She's a Texas Rose, shining like the sun
And I'm the one that finally got to show her
Now she's got it all, and she's my only one
I'm so glad she let me be the one to know her


   
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 geoo
(@geoo)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2801
 

Wow Martin.. That is smooth. You got a song here. Great job

Geoo

“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Posts: 2649
 

Welcome to SSG Martin,

Good Job!

Some more flower references might help
but how about Texas. If she's a Texas Rose what is
she doing in Pasadena? She should be in Austin or
Lubbock. Other than that small issue I think the song
is great. And that probably only bothers me.

Looking forward to more.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@gjbrake)
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Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 235
 

Yeah, nice one - I like it.

You have some pretty heavy material there at the end of the day, but you bring the good out of it very well.

It's a great story, told well. Good work!

And welcome to the SSG!
G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@martin-6)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 418
Topic starter  

I have never been to Texas. I looked on a map and Pasadena was the town that seemed to best fit the line.


   
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(@teleplayer324)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1506
 

Great stuff Martin. I could hear George Strait in my head singing it

Immature? Of course I'm immature Einstein, I'm 50 and in a Rock and ROll band.

New Band site http://www.myspace.com/guidedbymonkeys


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hi Martin,

This is quite good. I agree with you that these assignments are quite helpful in clearing a block. I think a few more floral references, as you mentioned, might work nicely.

Regarding Pasadena,... Texas has a lot of towns named after other towns. They even have a "San Diego". Even though it's in Texas, I think most people will associate "Pasadena" with the one in California. Since you're not rhyming those lines with anything else, you're pretty much using it just for the meter. (it rolls well with the rest of the song) So maybe try another town that also rolls well, and is instantly associated with Texas? Amarillo, San Antonio?

Initially, I was thinking it might work better if you changed the bridge from her describing a rape, to her describing some guy who always came in to the places she worked, but she kept shunning him. But after a couple re-reads, I think it's just fine as you have it.

Overall, real good work, and good take on the assignment.

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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 geoo
(@geoo)
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I never realized that there was a Pasadena, Texas. Now I am more fascinated with the song that I originally was.

Geoo

“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)


   
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(@rodders)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1086
 

Hey Martin,

After reading this song I now see where you are coming from with your reply to mine about the AABBCC rhyming scheme. Now I have something to work from, I fully understand what you mean.
Thanks,

Rod.

Be excellent to each other & party on dudes!
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=686668


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Posts: 10264
 

just a couple of little points - hell, I feel I'm nitpicking here because your song has so many good points....

I wouldn't say " Texas rose, shining in the sun" - roses don't shine....they may glisten, dew or raindrops reflecting sunlight...but roses could bloom in the sun......

and you follow

"Her silence filled the night"

immediately with

"She said"......

Maybe "She looked down for a long awkward moment, then she sighed...."

Oh, and you mixed tenses in the same verse...."Tell me what you're up to" might work better as "tell me what you've been up to" - especially as she then goes on to relate what DID happen to her (past tense).....

And there's one line I really don't like, but this may be an English thing - "She's got one in the oven" is a sort of crude English way of saying "Stupid cow got knocked up...." - might work better as "We've got one on the way" or "We've got a kid on the way" cause for celebration rather than cause for contempt, happy ending?

I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just trying to point out what, to me, are where you've rushed a couple of lines rather than thinking them through....you've got 90% of a very good song here, you tell a good story, you've got a pretty consistent rhythm/rhyme scheme, all it needs is just a little fine tuning and editing....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Sorry I didn't know there was a Pasadena, Texas
either but still feel someplace more associated with
Texas would work better. I like Amarillo and it has the
same number of sylables.

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Hi

I would personally like to hear it ..

there is some very good lyrics in here ..

I won't say too much until I've heard it

sorry

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@martin-6)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 418
Topic starter  

Thanks Vic, I might take you up on a couple of those suggestions.

The reason for "shining like the sun" is that Texas Roses are supposed to be yellow (aren't they?) e.g. Yellow Rose of Texas - which made me think of the sun.

The town is now Amarillo (which coincidentally also means yellow in spanish).

I have been trying to record it but my singing voice is too weak at medium volumes. Maybe when I have an empty house, I can finally let rip and unleash the beast within!


   
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