I was kinda thinking folk, in the style of "leaving on a jet plane". Not that melody or anything, just that style. Happy to hear any suggestions for improvement.
In a room still darkened,
by the trailing edge of night,
I hear my love hearken,
as she switches on the light.
She whispers as she kisses me,
"It's time to greet the day",
I close my eyes a moment,
and silently I pray:
Let it be
Let it always be this way,
whatever she sees,
May it never fade away,
I want her here,
even when I'm old & gray,
Lord if you please,
let it always be this way.
In a dimly lit cubicle,
at the far end of the hall.
trying to juggle meetings
while the phone rings off the wall.
I pick it up one more time
I'm about to lose it all
when a sweet voice from the other end
says, "Just thought I'd call"
Let it be
Let it always be this way,
whatever she sees,
May it never fade away,
I want her here,
even when I'm old & gray,
Lord if you please,
let it always be this way.
The room is bathed in TV light,
the talking head drones on
I don't know what he's saying,
not allowed to turn him off.
I ask her if she's warm enough
is there something I should do,
she takes my hand in hers and sighs,
"I love you too"
Let it be
Let it always be this way,
whatever she sees,
May it never fade away,
I want her here,
even when I'm old & gray,
Lord if you please,
let it always be this way.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Nothing from me other than "very nice."
Wow Scratch very nice indeed
I love the first Verse it really pulled me as the reader and as I read it I could hear acustic guitars plaaying and nice sort of upish beat happening through out the song ...
Well done
Trev...
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Scratch,
Very Nice!
It would appear your rustiness is wearing off rather quickly.
Sometimes we lose touch with the little things and your song
is a good reminder.
John
Good stuff, Scratch - I especially like the chorus.....I get the feeling you've been marrried a long time, but you're still both happy with each other.....
Only thing I noticed, you lost the rhyming scheme in the 3rd verse ......
Verse one, in lines 1 3 5 & 7 you've got night & light rhyming, and day and pray rhyming.....
verse two, you've got hall, wall, all & call in the corresponding lines.....
but in verse 3, you've got on, off, do and too.......
maybe instead of
"The room is bathed in TV light,
the talking head drones on
I don't know what he's saying,
not allowed to turn him off. "
something like
"The room is bathed in TV light,
The talking head prattles away,
We don't hear what he's saying,
It's been a long, long day"......
That's just off the top of my head, I'nm sure you can come up with something better......
Scratch, you've got a really good love song here - there aren't too many about that don't overdo the sentiments, but this just about hits the spot....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey scratch:)
i can very well see myself in there. i want the same thing. well anybody who has got somebody surely does. anyways.. just thought i'd let you know i enjoyed it and kept nodding and muttering "yes, exactly" when reading it:)
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Wooow, Nice scratch
Nothing to add
Blessings
Olav
Very very nice.
"I ask her if she's warm enough
is there something I should do,
she takes my hand in hers and sighs,
"I love you too""
THat's my favourite line. If I would make one change it would be:
I ask her if she's warm enough
is there something I should do,
she takes my hand in hers and sighs,
"babyI love you too"
Hi Scratch
This is simply a beautiful piece. Thoughtful, caring and exceedingly well written, a pleasure to read.
Great stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
