SSG Week 15 - Immortal Lover

OWA ..

Can I keep this thread so when your about 40 I can send it back to you after this :wink:

" I told my friend that I hated these songs that say I love you. Kind of a romantic thing to seduce. I said I'd much rather hear a song to get laid to." :lol: I can just hear bridal waltz being played at your wedding maybe
"Smells like teen spirit " :lol:

Over all I like this this song I understand what your saying here but to me it just seem to gel as nicely as it should {just my opinion}

"Because he's her "

Of course all comments made by are subject for debate as my alter ego isnt' talking to me :lol:

Cheers

Trevor

Hi'a

I really like this bit
Immortal Lover
Makes her heart pound on her chest
Blood races and trickles down her breast
Drained but still burning with passion
Escorting her to his home his act of compassion
Throws her on the bed after the abduction
Then entices her with his vampire seduction

and I love this bit

Blood flowing
True colors showing
She makes no sound
To him, she's bound
She sings this and strums her guitar
For him, her prince, her evening star

The rest just doesn't gel for me personally it seems a bit disjointed, just can't get a rhythm to fall in with the lyrics.

Go well

Ja'mir

OWA,

I think this is a wonderful piece of writing . . . . . . maybe a bit draining . . . . . and I think is does coagulate nicely but for one point. I'm a little confused about the first verse where you say,
He watches her go down the street
He lusts for me his urges basic and primal

Where doe "me" fit into this? Am I missing something here?

Overall, though, a very interesting work. What kind of music did you have in mind?

Neil

"...Something that sounds good, and means something"

What does this mean? -- Look out for vampires?

Thanks for the comments.

Chefie - that'd be a typo. I wrote this at 3am. Was thinking of a mix of acoustic and electric guitar with distortion in the chorus. Maybe a keyboard too. Kind of a Nightwish or Evanesence sound.

Scratchmonkey - The meaning of this was to create an unconventional love song. I was kind of lost on this week's topic since it was kind of broad.

Trevor - Nuts to Smells Like Teen Spirit, Judas Priest is coming to my wedding.

Not sure about if it doesn't flow well. I didn't have trouble singing it while I was writing it.

I see strains of Metallica's "Of Wolf And Man" here.... that said, I never drew much meaning from that song. Still... the song basically holds together in its own context, which is important.

As far as an unconventional love songs "to get laid to". You may try for inspiration in songs like The Deftone's "Knife Party" or "Digital Bath". Or A Perfect Circle's "Magdalena". Also 12 Rounds's "Pleasant Smell" comes to mind. Just a couple of study aids if you are unfamiliar with these songs. They have great atmosphere. I think you might like at least a couple of them.

-marv

OWA

I love it, this especially this:
Immortal Lover
Makes her heart pound on her chest
Blood races and trickles down her breast
Drained but still burning with passion
Escorting her to his home his act of compassion
Throws her on the bed after the abduction
Then entices her with his vampire seduction

it feels rhythmic, pace quickening and ends with submission, excellent piece of writing.

Paul

I'm not even going to try and follow the train of thought that led you from Valentine's Day to vampires.....shudder.....

really like the song, it's different, it's well thought out, the imagery's there when it needs to be....

Only thing I'd do differently, I'd have an organ in there playing some minor chords, as well as the acoustic and the electric - and for the verses, I'd have the electric finger-picking minor chords....

Hey that's just a suggestion though.....

Nice work, OWA!!!!

:D :D :D

Vic