Its been a long time since I posted anything here, but with a new SSG year I figured I would jump on the wagon. I have been following you guys though, and there are some mighty fine writers here.
Anyway, here is week 1. It has a contryish tone to it. Fairly simple 1-4-2-5 progression in the verse, 4-5-1-6 in the chorus. I'll try to record it this week.
Olav
SSG5 week 1
Crossed the Atlantic the year I turned twenty-five,
for a brand new start with my kids and my bride
Left most of my live in a Saturday yard sale,
said goodbye to friends and family, please forward the mail
A small town boy, with hidden pain
Heading for a new start where no one knew my name
But as money got tight and times got tough
Didn't stand a chance, drinking from life's bitter cup
Chorus
‘Cause I was just a boy
From a military home
with a stay-at-home mom and a dad uniform,
I packed it up a time or two just to return,
broke and hungry, ‘spent every penny I earned
I still wonder why I left that little town
I guess I had to taste life on my own
I did the best I could, with what I had learned
Picked up the pieces that was left, and built bridges I'd burned
Though thick and thin trough sorrows and joys
I never forgot where I came from
Chorus
‘Cause I was just a boy
From a military home
with a stay-at-home mom and a dad uniform,
I packed it up a time or two just to return,
broke and hungry, ‘spent every penny I earned
I still wonder why I left that little town
I guess I had to taste life on my own
As time moves on and healed my scars
I've found my pleasures in music and guitars
And God blessed me in his marvelous way
With a loving wife, two boys and a girl on the way
Chorus
And I'm still just a boy
With a family on my own
With a loving wife and a place to call home
Writing songs about life, and lessons I've learned
Of life, love and bridges that I've burned
And I wonder if I never left my town
Would I taste life like this on my own?
............No I'd never taste life like this on my own
Olav,
Really liked the part about leaving your life in a yard sale. Isn't that so true.
Looking forward to hearing this. Gwynne.
Olav,
you are going to have to sing this one for us mate, I definitely hear Country. There was only one line that threw me, in terms of the meter
Picked up the pieces that was left, and built bridges I'd burned
I wonder if
Picked up the pieces, and built bridges I'd burned
Would be just as good.
Nice song, well done
Paul
Olav
Very Nice It's funny I picked up on the same lines as the others.
Left most of my live in a Saturday yard sale,
I like that one too
Picked up the pieces that was left, and built bridges I'd burned
I was thinking very much along the same lines as Paul
only more like.
Picked up what was left, rebuilt bridges I'd burned
The other line that stuck out for me was
with a stay-at-home mom and a dad uniform
I think it might work better as
with a stay-at-home mom,dad in uniform
Just my thoughts
John
Olav,
I love the story you tell here. Very poignant, - has a nice flow to it. As a couple others mentioned, I think a few lines could be shortened, but that's something I always struggle with too.
Overall, good job.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Good story, well told - like everyone else, I loved the "Saturday Yard Sale" line and the images it managed to conjure up.....
OK, this is a fairly minor thing, but with the chorus finishing....
"I still wonder why I left that little town
I guess I had to taste life on my own"
it sort of contradicts this line.....
"Crossed the Atlantic the year I turned twenty-five,
for a brand new start with my kids and my bride" ........
I only picked up on this 3rd of 4th time reading, it was niggling at the back of my mind....I hope you could fix it without too much of a re-write....maybe "We" instead of "I" in a couple of places?
And this line, in the last chorus.....
"With a family on my own".....
should that read.....
"With a family OF my own"..... ?
Overall, I think you've done pretty good job....you've nailed the assignment, and got a good storyline as well....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Not much more for me to add here being a late comer so to say ..
I agree with Paul and John though
Also add me in to the people who like this
Trev
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Add me to the list of people putting the "yard sale" line as the first in my "SSG Year Five - Why Didn't I Write That?" folder.
And I also wasn't sure how the first verse fit in, time-wise. I'm guessing that bride and kids came later so why not change the first two lines from:
Crossed the Atlantic the year I turned twenty-five,
for a brand new start with my kids and my bride
To:
Crossed the Atlantic the year I turned twenty-five,
For a brand new start on the American side
Just a thought.
Looking forward to more, Olav!
Peace
