SSG5 wk1 -- Faith

Hi Scratch,

I certainly remember you from when me and Smokindog covered your "Batboy" song http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=476331
great song by the way, and I loved singing it. As for this song I like it a lot, especially the chorus I think your use repetition with I'ms and I'ves works well. I dont think there is anything that I would change, good work.

cheers

Paul

Scratch,

I agree with pbee. It all sounds great.

What a beautiful song for your daughter. She's probably very proud to have this all for her own.

pbee,

Thanks for the kind words. Batboy was a fun song to write. I still owe smokindog some vocals on it, > a year later. I did hear your version, nice work. I loved the music he put it to.

rocketgirl,

Thank you as well. My daughter doesn't know I wrote this yet. Not sure if she will. I actually have two, so if they do ever hear / read it, the title will be changed in an attempt to avert any jealousy-sparked bickerings. ;) It's perfectly applicable to both.

Scratch

Welcome Back it has been to long.

This is excellent and as the father of two daughters I know
what you mean about "jealousy-sparked bickerings".

Tread carefully my friend but I think they should hear/read this.

So I guess my only suggestion would be to make that title change.

I've always enjoyed your work and it's nice to have you back
I missed having you around.

By the way Batboy is one of my favorites too.

John

Celt,

Thanks for the warm welcome back. I've missed the structure and comraderie of the group as well. I think we're settling into our new surroundings now, and hopefully I'll be able to keep up.

bushpig,

Thanks to you too, I can't seem to fit this into "Joker", "Batboy" is a little better fit, but I hadn't thought of this as a country piece. I have a rough melody in mind, but over the last year, I'm afraid my writing isn't the only thing that's atrophied, I've let my practice / playing lapse as well. So I'm back to the books, and re-learning the "Easy songs for beginners" lessons.

Big welcome back from me as well Scratch - good to see you writing again!

And you started back with a goodie....the only minor concern I had about this was that the emphasis seemed to be more on your daughter through the verses, and about you through the choruses... but it all draws together at the end....

"I really couldn't tell you
all the jobs I've had
but the best and worst one, I can't quit.
I'll always be your dad."

I just wonder if this chorus might be used at the very end of the song for emphasis?

Anyway, nice work - got a really good flow to it, it didn't strike me so much as being a country song, rather more as a Dylanesque ballad.....

Welcome back!

:D :D :D

Vic

Vic,

I had the same thought about the chorus. -- Putting it at the end. The reason I didn't, is because I *really* wanted to get something (anything) posted. So I kinda rushed through it just to get 3 verses and a chorus. I'll have to look this over some more and see if I can come up with a better structure. I think your point is a good one.

"a Dylanesque ballad....."

You flatter me. :))

Hi

This is terrific and I agree with Rocket girl when she said :

"What a beautiful song for your daughter. She's probably very proud to have this all for her own"

I am sure she will ...

Nothing else I can add mate except add me to the fan base you have

cheers

Trev..

Hi Scratch

It's really good to have you back writing - I know you've been watching from the wings as it were but it's good to have you back in full swing.

Stunning return to form

Excellent stuff

Bob :wink:

Welcome back and Happy New SSG Year 5 to you, Scratch. Great to read your lyrics again.

This is terrific and the only thing I'd think about suggesting is in this verse:
I'm the one you choose to scream at
when you realize life ain't fair.
I'm the one who used to tie those
pretty ribbons in your hair.
I'm the one who took you fishing
in the mountains, at the lake.
I'm prob'ly gonna fall apart
when you have your first heartbreak.

I tend to go overboard with parallel structure, but I think exchanging the first two lines with the second two might make it sound a little tighter:

I'm the one who used to tie those
pretty ribbons in your hair.
I'm the one you choose to scream at
when you realize life ain't fair.
I'm the one who took you fishing
in the mountains, at the lake.
I'm prob'ly gonna fall apart
when you have your first heartbreak.

This way you've got a specific image followed by a general one and then another specific followed by a general one. It's probably just me, but this sounds a little warmer than jumping right in with the screaming line.

Anyway, good to have you back and eagerly looking forward to more.

Peace

Scratch
I like this…very touching. Hope the girls will appreciate this one day. I got a little girl on the way so I sure did!
Good to see you back again. Keep the juices flowing.
Blessings
Olav

Hilch, Bob, Olav,

Thanks for the welcome back, and the accolades, it's very encouraging.

David,
It's probably just me, but this sounds a little warmer than jumping right in with the screaming line.
It's not just you, swapping those two couplets sounds much better to me as well. Thanks for the suggestion!