well, the last one didn't set the world on fire, so here is another one. inspiration for the line "you are just an empty seat on opening night" was the only good thing i got of of spiderman. selfishly it refused to inspire the rest of the song for me... so it required some hard work to beat it into....
Opening Night
The one with an ear against the wall
desperate to hear anything at all
the same terrifying, familar sounds
Sat with lost, teary eyes
You are just the hand that slammed the door
that broke the house
The one who wanted someone to be proud
She sat beaming in the crowd, didnt doubt, she would be
She had two tickets, one untorn
And those hopeful, sorry eyes
You are just an empty seat on
opening night
(instrumental bridge)
The one who got the same start that you got
That you gave, kept too, but didnt want
Couldn't help but, be that man
Can't foget that, you just ran
You are just the absence
Always present in my life
You are just an empty seat on (another)
opening night
(edited to reflect the good doctors suggestion)
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
Knocked back? This is what I'm picking up, correct me if I'm wrong.
Just one little point of grammar - and it's hard to be non-specific about gender and grammatically correct at the same time, in English any way - but line one 'their ear against the wall' reads as if an ear is being shared by more than one person. You could leave the pronoun out altogether, so...
The one with ear against the wall
Just a thought, I know rules were made to be broken, but just a suggestion.
I like it, by the way. It conveys longing, loss, disappointment, bit of anger and a resigned sort of desperation. How does the music go, as you hear it?
JMcC
Go Deeeeeees, bury this rubbish.
Hi there
Yes I agreee knocked back big time I would say , the ear thing mmm I read
"The one with an ear against the wall "
has there been a edit here ?
but all in all I thought it was rather good myself , sort of Starry Starry Night by Don Mc Lean I thought
Good Writting Sozay
aussie aussie oi oi oi
:roll:
cheers
L.K :arrow:
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
So what parts of this wide brown land are we all from then?
Go Deeeeeees, bury this rubbish.
Hey Sozay
I like it. Generates questions, carries emotion. The "absence, always present" lines are nice. Good work!
Hey Sozay
(is that pronounced saussie :P ? given the downunder flavour at the moment),
I like it. I love the idea of “negative space†(you haven't studied drawing have you ? given your other post ), that is, being able to define something not in terms of itself but in terms what its not, like the empty seat. Excellent concept.
This is my favourite line:
You are just the absence
Always present in my life
I love the contradiction there.
Great song :D .
pb
knock back? perhaps in a sense, i was thinking more along the lines of a father who leave his family, the first verse the child is listening to the parent fight, and then the father storming out, 2nd verse, father not being there in his childhood, 3rd the grown child confronting his father, who had the same thing happen to him as a child...
thanks for reading everyone
sozay
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
Yeah it reads well like that Sozay but I'm inclined to interpret the part about the she waiting with the torn ticket as the mom then. The son watching his father constantly disappoint not only him but his mother as well who continued to have faith and hope and now he (the son) is just like him. Does that make sense or am I just brain dead? Either way I liked it. Good job.
Joe
oh... everything's been said already.....
anyway I love all the "you are just.." parts!
cheers,
bluenightangel
p.s. doesn't matter where inspiration comes from, as long as you can get some out of something that something was worth doing;)
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
